Super Tiny Fragilistic Humans Are Atrocious

So I didn’t hold out a lot of hope for Super Tiny Animals, a hastily put together programme designed to fill an hour in ITV’s schedules, that empty, desperate time between Emmerdale and I’m A Celebrity.

My suspicions seemed set to be confirmed as we waded through VT of miniature pigs *yawn*, miniature dogs *snore* and a very short donkey *eyes roll back in head*. Where were the monkeys in lipstick? Where were the hamsters the size of jellybeans, the rabbits you could stuff into your back pocket?

Then all of a sudden came the real estate developer who bred marmosets in his soulless, shiny duplex, and was making an excellent profit from childless woman. The woman who owned a cat that looked like it had been chucked into a blender with a dachshund. A tiny dog show at which we witnessed a West Highland Terrier dyed acid pink. The money shots were rolling in, and whilst rather uncomfortable viewing, there were a few cheap laughs to be had.

This was a programme about people who thought that stuffing a Chihuahua into a bespoke tuxedo and marrying it off to another, slightly larger Chihuahua, sprinkling them with rose petals, forcing them both to sit still atop a chaise longue and photographing the ‘event’ was a fulfilling way to spend a weekday afternoon. Super Tiny Minds might have been a more appropriate title.

Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here