There is nothing quite like BBC Breakfast News. Nothing.

Sian Williams and Bill Turnbull are an affable enough pairing, much like Richard and Judy without the obvious marital discord. We don’t want viewers choking on their Weetabix, so it is Sian and Bill’s task to alternate hard hitting news items - floods and bombs and stuff - with more disposable, light hearted issues, which their band of reporters from the ‘front line’ do their best to cram into a 90 second slot.

This morning it was the turn of one lucky cowpoke, Graham Satchell. Who has been sent to Lincolnshire, to grill a farmer about the rumoured sprout shortage the country may well be facing down this Christmas.

Yes, the BBC are treating this as a matter of some urgency. As if people don’t have enough to panic about this year, what with the recession, and Drink Aware, and should I cater for my party with M&S or Iceland?

But now, Graham informs us, it might not even be worth bothering with Christmas anyway. BECAUSE THERE WON’T BE ANY SPROUTS.

Graham expects a lot of his interviewees. Not only must they be able to string a logical sentence together when hovering in a frozen field at the bum crack of dawn when clearly they’ve got a business to run, but they must also have the power to predict the future.

‘WILL THERE BE SPROUTS FOR CHRISTMAS?’ Graham booms. A nation needs to know, and panic buy accordingly you stupid parochial!

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