I would not do it to a sack of potatoes. But looking like a pumpkin, flapping like a bulging budgie, Ann Widdecombe could be swept around my allotment shed by Anton du Beke anytime. It needs a good clear out, sweeping the cobwebs from the corners. It’s great to have a good laugh on the allotment, to see people of all ages, shapes and sizes and to look for new ways of scaring the pigeons away and sending the rats running.

Ann – plucky old bird?

Ann is of course game, a plucky old bird some would say, though the glorious 12th passed some time ago. She could never be described as light entertainment. Craig Revel Horwood’s heavy descriptions ring through my ears, as I dig in another load of well rotted manure; today I almost feel sorry for her but then I think of next Saturday and the next and the next. Like gardening, she believes that if at first you don’t succeed try, fail and flail again.

A comment or well rotted manure

It's all very trying, especially if you don’t learn from your mistakes. John Sargeant and any good gardener knows when to cut your losses and claim a victory. He said that the trouble was that there was a real danger that he might win the competition. Even for him that would be a joke too far. Not Ann, she will neither see that the joke is on her or see to becoming a cultivated dancer. She might do wonders for the pumpkin trade.

Felicity Dancing

Our tears should be for Felicity Kendal. Once she was the symbol of the Good Life and made a very good mint cake, but is now described by Len Goodman as dancing with two legs in the same knickers’ hole. Very talented then to get 30 out of 40.

Felicity Good Life

The Good Life was a huge hit, attracting over 17 million viewers at its peak. Felicity became an overnight sex symbol with her tomboy character, dungarees and wellies. More importantly she seduced many poor boys into a life of allotment living. You will still see them strictly star gazing on allotments, while her heavenly acting made her onwards and upwards.

Serious Sue

“Giles and Sue live the Good Life” has been a wonderful three part series on Monday night that has just come to an end, but can still be seen on BBC iPlayer. But more on that next week.

Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here