Is it time for me to retire?

Then there was the usual issue of my veins being uncooperative.

Tom and I took with us a couple of cheques to donate to the hospital from the sales of my CD.

So far we have raised about £500 from CD sales for the hospital and more than £800 for the Cancer Counselling Trust. It is nice to think I can give something back.

It is a pretty ropey old unit which is always crowded but the staff remain bright and cheerful and provide fabulous care.

Tom accompanied me and as always he is such a support. We even managed to fit in lunch together. Being alone together these days is rare and wonderful. Unfortunately I started to get signs of a migraine coming.

Although I felt unwell I was not 100 per cent convinced it was a migraine and, stupidly, did not take my medication.

I just about made the school run and got home but my head felt like it was going to explode so I dosed myself up with pills and went straight to bed. It was lucky for me that Tom was home so he organised the evening meal and took the boys to the youth club. My hero.

Friday was fabulous. I accompanied Lewis's class on their school trip to Seven Sisters Country Park. They are studying survival skills so we did orienteering in Friston Forest in the morning and made a wigwam camp out of the forest's natural features in the afternoon.

I so enjoyed being around the children. After the trip it was home time. As it was Jacob's school summer fair, he had raided my make-up and jewellery box (under my supervision), his clothes cupboard and the loft for childhood toys for his stall.

That was a bit strange because I remember every teddy and as I have been unable to let go of the toys in my mind, I always imagined them going to my children's children. Yet in reality I know I am just being silly and sentimental and it would be impossible for the children to hold on to everything.

After the fair it was all highly exciting as we had been invited to take the boys to visit the fire station at Shoreham. Nothing could have prepared us for the wonderful demonstration and attention we received from the fire and rescue employees.

They were wonderful with the boys and we even got to go in a fire engine with the sirens blazing. (That's another ambition of mine fulfilled). The boys even got to put out a fire in the practice tower. It was fabulous and the children's faces were a picture they loved it.

On Saturday we decided to give the kittens their first taste of the outside world. Strange to think my kittens were venturing into the unknown and discovering life when I feel I am at the opposite end of the spectrum.

Later we went to the beach laden with disposable barbecues, food, blankets, towels etc. The children had a fabulous time but I must admit I felt shattered.

I did manage my first swim in the sea this year with the children and enjoyed it immensely. Southwick beach is wonderful and we are always guaranteed to meet friends and people we know. It is a real social spot.

Unfortunately I seem to be getting into a bad sleep pattern again and on Sunday I was awake at 1am. I went downstairs, ended up with the most uncomfortable night on the sofa and was up peeling vegetables around 7am.

I later went to Hove Lagoon and, en route, bumped into Donna from the Pink Rolls Royce Company, who provided a limousine for our wedding last October.

She very kindly said that if Tom and I fancied a meal or evening out sometime, she or her husband would take us in their pink Rolls-Royce. Now I have another exciting thing to look forward to.

On Monday, Tom went to the fracture unit in Worthing and had to go on the train as he is still unable to drive. Lewis was busy sorting through his toys and making a shop with the items he no longer wanted.

Tom came home with a nice new foam sling and was told his shoulder was likely to be painful and he would not be able to drive for at least three weeks. Not an ideal situation with his job being in and around London. However, he has decided he will go back to work on public transport.

We went to look at spa pools. Tom and I both feel we would benefit from one and it would be fun for the children. It is quite an expense and I have told Tom it really must be his decision because in the long run I can't guarantee my continued use.

I also have to check with the experts before any commitment because massage can advance the cancer, I believe. It is really extravagant but my time is really limited.

On Tuesday I had a long day at work starting with an extended schools partnership meeting at Southwick Leisure Centre. From there I went back to Lancing and my final meeting of the day in my office with my line manager who has received a report from occupational health.

The person who has been covering my post wants to return to their original job which leaves my employers in a very difficult situation because we all know my health is going to deteriorate and I am definitely not going to recover, yet they still have a service to run and plans have to be made.

From a professional angle I know that it is in everyone's interest for me to retire on grounds of ill health but in reality I still feel pretty well and want to continue to earn money for as long as I can.

I cannot bear the thought of things becoming tight financially and my family having that additional burden to cope with after my death.

Later I read to the boys for a while and Jacob stayed in my room after Lewis had gone to bed. We had what started out to be a very grown-up chat but ended up with me sounding like an over-anxious mother which I guess is what I am.

Jacob's taste of independence has given him quite an appetite and I can feel my little boy slipping away. I have been so spoilt with Jacob who really is the model child as far as I am concerned.

On Wednesday, I cycled over to see Margaret for a relaxing session of healing. I have no doubt in my mind that she has contributed greatly to keeping me well as I always feel so uplifted after spending time with her.

I worked from home today which proved most constructive.

I have had very few interruptions and I am left with a lovely sense of achievement.

My mind, however, does keep going over yesterday's meeting and I have sought advice regarding taking early retirement on grounds of ill health. It is bound to feel strange.

I have worked for West Sussex County Council youth service for more than 20 years and find it hard to imagine my life without work.

I know we are all dispensable but it doesn't feel that good and I feel like I am losing a part of myself, not to mention a regular income.

I certainly don't think I am at a point in my life when I want to be thinking about cutting back although more time for my family, friends and myself and less responsibility doesn't sound too bad while the sun is shining. Perhaps I will put the purchase of the spa on hold for now.