It's The Little Things

Before responsibilities began to crowd my life I took so much for granted. I am amazed now that I never appreciated every single languishing bath or night of undisturbed sleep. I do now. I used to go out pretty much every night, now I have dates marked in the diary weeks in advance and woe-betide anything that gets in my way of going out, so looked forward to are those nights. Previously little cared about hair or beauty appointments are now long-coveted treats that take place on special days and again, long looked forward to. I even look forward to going to a meeting in London, yes its work but it also means you get an hour on the train – a whole hour where you can read or listen to music or just people watch!

In such packed days you get to love and appreciate the little things. A TV show, a new book, a cuddle, a nice meal, a surprise nap or yes a train journey... they seem so inconsequential but can become the bright shining stars in a long day of catering for others or undertaking tasks. I remember I used to so look forward to Baby (as he was then) taking his afternoon nap while I had my cup of tea and chocolate biscuit and watched Deal or No Deal. This regular occurrence became an important part of my day which I really looked forward to, half an hour where I could switch off and feel like I was indulging myself (don’t judge - as I say it’s the little things!) One day this time was interrupted when someone came to the door for something I had to deal with there and then, by the time it was over Baby was awake, Noel Edmunds had finished and the tea was cold. I could have cried. For the rest of the day I was wild-eyed with despair and anguish, I felt robbed and bereft.

Why is it important to be alone? Have downtime? Relax? What is it about personal time that sounds just so attractive? Have we historically always desired a selfish moment? I certainly don’t remember my grandmother bemoaning her lack of solitude and trying to book a sneaky appointment at the local spa, probably because there weren’t any in her day. But I imagine however, she was grateful for her close knit group of friends, fellow navy-wives and local family members who she would happily be able to share workloads, childcare duties and spend time chatting with.

I’d like to blame the Americans who I am sure are responsible for making us so obsessed with ‘me-time’, as well as plenty of other pseudo-therapeutic ideas like ‘closure’ and ‘personal space’. Well obviously I don’t really want to blame them because I am glad of having an excuse for taking a swim in Lake Me! Obviously I need it? I work four days a week, have a toddler and a dog to look after, my husband works hard and late and this house doesn’t clean itself! Neither does it stock itself with food and essentials or get anyone washed, dressed, fed and out of the door. I do that. Yes I am lucky enough to have a cleaner and regular dog-walker, but this also takes management. The house has to run to an arranged routine and I can’t just one day say it’s not happening. I work – plus. Which means you have to physically book into your life the time you need to yourself and I have been come quite strident on ensuring I have those moments, I write them in my diary and my husbands, I think they keep me sane?

Since going back to work and putting Boy into nursery a few days a week I find I look forward to working days in order to have a solitary cup of coffee at lunchtime or maybe a work out at the gym where I can actually shower without calling out over my shoulder ‘Mummy won’t be long darling’. I’ve engineered a whole afternoon’s free time into my week which I try hard not to fill up with shopping or mundane tasks in order to reconnect with things I like doing or even just to sit and look into space. Sometimes I watch Deal or No Deal!

I do appreciate the time I get to myself a lot more now, which is probably a good thing. Recently while lying prone in a steam room with nothing else to do for over an hour I exhaled hard and thought on how lucky I was right there and then to be relaxed, alone, happy. Not later or earlier, but right in that moment and it felt good. It doesn’t happen often but it has to happen and I’ll go out of my way to make it happen. So if you see me out and about alone having a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit? Do Not Disturb!