Here are some things I have learnt in my 37 years on this planet. It’s not my guide to life, just ten things that I know about myself and life-experience to be the absolute truth. You might not agree with them, but for me every single one of them is a fact, the veracity of which I cannot escape...

ONE: Colds take longer to get over the older you get, same as hangovers.

TWO: For some reason I wasn’t happy with the body I had at 16. Twenty years later I would do anything to have that same body now.

THREE: Advice from family and friends is usually innocent and kindly meant but always given for the sake of something to say.

FOUR: I can make myself laugh out loud by remembering this story I once heard during a radio phone-in: A young boy had two gerbils he called Hob and Nob, sadly Hob died, leaving him with Nob. Who lived for years!

FIVE: Cruelty to the innocent always makes me cry. All those animals that didn’t ask to be bought, all those children who didn’t ask to be born.

SIX: Each season has a distinctive smell; you can always tell when a new one is upon us.

SEVEN: Plucking your eyebrows when drunk will not work.

EIGHT: Never go shopping for clothes if you’ve just eaten, never go shopping for food unless you just have.

NINE: Every problem is relative, what might seem rather minor to you really is a major catastrophe for your friend.

TEN: If on a night out a shot of tequila seems like a good idea then it’s probably time to go home?

If you have any absolute truths about yourself or your experience of course I would love to hear about them….