In the news recently, I spotted yet more reports about ‘Obese Britain’ and how morbidly obese people are straining the NHS and have damaged its track record under the current Labour government.

That doesn’t surprise me. A recent visit to a town called Cramlington in Northumberland revealed a whole host of ladies who must’ve been size 22 at least. I found it hard not to stare in a very un-PC manner as they passed me in the shopping centre, clad in their tight black leggings. I couldn’t help wondering whether they do, indeed, eat the fabled deep fried Mars bars that were supposed to be popular oop North in the past.

Meanwhile, in my own neighbourhood of Newhaven, I recently encountered three morbidly obese ladies in the doctors’ surgery: one was practically occupying two seats and all three may have been suffering weight-related health problems.

Now don’t get me wrong. I entirely sympathise with people who can’t help their weight because of medical issues or thyroid problems, etc. However, it’s not so easy to stomach people overeating to the point where it’s damaging to their constitution and, worse still, those who over feed their unsuspecting children and do nothing to improve their nutrition or exercise tendencies.

But...do people actually know what they’re consuming? I believe this is a large part of Britain’s weight problem. A week ago, I visited a garden centre cafe with my family and viewed the food being consumed at nearby tables. At a guesstimate, many of the main courses weighed in at about 1,000 calories each and the desserts contained about 400 calories. That’s three quarters of an adult’s recommended daily intake of 2,000 calories in one meal. Plus the dishes appeared to be high in saturated fats.

And the garden centre cafe isn’t the only culprit. A double-decker burger, a filled baguette, a take away curry and a bowl of pasta with creamy sauce may not look too unhealthy but they are all high on the calorie count. A quarter of a filled chicken pie from a supermarket can contain 700 calories and many people will eat at least half a pie in one sitting. Oink! It seems to me that people are super-sizing their portions while failing to offset the higher chomping level with more exercise.

Here’s a simple set of advice from a non-expert – yours truly with an easy-to-follow “personal diet plan” (not available on DVD, sorry!). Cut your portion size and exercise more. Or look after small children. If you don’t have any of your own, borrow some from a friend: they’ll soon burn off the box or three of chocolates you ate earlier as they run away in the shopping centre and demand that you fetch things constantly. Read the nutrition information on the food packaging and don’t eat the whole pie. Minimise your consumption of bloaty “beige foods” (i.e. pasta, potatoes, crisps, etc.), beware of cheese and remember the old adage “a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips”.

Or in the words of Marjorie Dawes of ‘Little Britain’s’ Fat Fighters infamy: consume “dust”. A diet of dust would soon cause the nation to drop a dress size or two, methinks. But then we’d have other problems...