It is fair to say it has been quite a difficult week for me emotionally.

Friday was an amazing and bizarre day. I had lots of phone calls in the morning and, as a result, will be having tea with the Lady Boys of Bangkok, taking Tom and the boys to the Chinese State Circus and have been offered botox for free!

It certainly is not all doom and gloom. The remainder of my day was spent filming. Neil, who organised the recording and release of my song and who I now call my manager, has found me another contact.

Suzanne has just set up a television production company and wants to make a documentary all about me! How flattering.

It was strange going over my story and reflecting on everything that's happened. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was diagnosed. It was a bit like a self-counselling session.

In the early evening I popped over to King's Manor Community College, in Shoreham, which was having its prom night.

Donna, who I met through my youth work and who will be reading a poem at my funeral, requested I be there. I was honoured she asked me and I am deeply fond of her.

On Saturday we went over to our friends Lisa and Martin's house for their daughter's birthday. The children played while the adults nattered, drank, ate and generally wound down after a busy week.

At 5pm we were due at Natalie and Mark's but we were running very late.

Natalie played my song and I felt proud and embarrassed while Tom sloped off to another room as he had become very emotional - alcohol induced I expect.

But all the same it does not take away the fact that this is an extremely difficult time for him.

However strong we try to be, it is inevitably going to be extremely difficult for Tom once I am gone as he is the one who needs who hold everything together in order for the boys' lives to carry on happily. He has a lot on his shoulders.

On Sunday Lewis and I were up at a reasonable hour and went out into the garden. I hung out some washing while Lewis entertained me with his football skills then I taught him how to pogo stick.

Enjoying each other's company, we walked to Henfield. We played a game where the person who had the sticky plant on them when Tom and Jacob picked us up had to do a forfeit.

I lost so Lewis decided I have to sniff Tom's smelly socks.

The boys stayed in Henfield so Tom and I could go to the Ritz for tea. It was superb - like stepping back in time.

When we went to The Grand I had a champagne cocktail, justifying the ridiculous expense as it was something I had never done before and wanted to experience the taste.

Unfortunately I absolutely loved it so decided to have another at the Ritz. We got a bit of a shock when the bill arrived and it cost £16.

Inevitably, I only had one. There was a time when I would quibble over paying more than £5 for a bottle of wine. I am conscious that I am not denying myself anything now - unless it is ridiculously unjustified of course!

Monday was quite difficult for me. I had a couple of long meetings at work. It became apparent there are a number of areas I need to pick up which I am not sure I am confident or well enough to cope with.

I had a phone call from the boyfriend of one of my foster children, who lived with us for about two years, saying she has had a baby.

I rushed to the hospital with Jacob and Lewis but couldn't stay long because children were not allowed in that particular ward.

Ashantini is quite probably the prettiest little baby girl I have ever seen and I am sure she will grow up to be beautiful like her mum.

However, I was not prepared for the emotional effect. I wanted so much to help and support them and I wanted desperately to say, 'I will be there for you and give you any help I can'. But at the end of the sentence, I had to say, 'while I can'.

Having a baby is such a massive responsibility and nurturing life, such a special thing.

Getting it right matters so much and I want to be around to offer help in a grandmotherly kind of way. In truth, Ashantini will never know me and that makes me feel very sad.

On Tuesday Jacob had torn his trousers so I had to wash and iron him a new pair.

Lewis had lost his school uniform, lunchbox, shoes and school bag (we later discovered he left them at school after football).

The boys' friend Harry popped over to see the kittens, Suzanne rang about filming and we realised Lewis had forgotten his swimming kit - and all before 8.30am!

It was a long and difficult day. I worked until 3pm, collected the boys from school and then had an interview with a national magazine at 3.30pm which lasted until 6pm.

I felt a bit wobbly and wanted to have an early night but, unfortunately, had a blazing row. I rarely argue but I ended up in this heated conversation with my ex-partner's wife about the boys' future. This was too close to my heart and I almost broke the phone when I threw it across the room.

With everything going round in my head the sleeping tablets I took worked but I spent most of the next morning in tears. I muddled along, feeling all my energy and spirit had been sapped and saw my best friend Lesley for a coffee.

Then I saw my friend Rinty who pampered me with a relaxing facial after I had sobbed and later I caught up with Sue.

It's as if this one horrible argument has brought all my underlying negative emotions to a peak. But the wonderful, kind, caring, supportive people who let me cry and made me laugh put things in perspective. Why let one thing get me so low when I am surrounded by so many loving people?