I went back to the hospital today and had more saline pumped into my right breast. Later they will drain some of it off and apparently it makes it look more natural.

While I was at the hospital I thought about how I used to be fanatical about being punctual.

Now I've spent so much time waiting for appointments that I am far more easy going. Ironically, my surgeon, Mr Johri, is the one person who has consistently been on time for every appointment while I have been consistently late.

Even more ironic is how I enjoy meeting up with so many lovely people, staff and patients at the hospital. Some days it feels more like popping down to the social club where we all sit around discussing our ailments and making jokes about our situation.

For me it helps sharing thoughts and feelings. I guess it's like an informal therapy group. It's surreal but very powerful.

On Friday Lewis asked me "When are you going to be dead mummy?" I think it's so confusing for the boys. They know I am dying but I look so well it just doesn't make sense.

I had my hair done and then cycled to Shoreham to see about arrangements for my funeral. I've never had to organise a funeral before (thank goodness) so I thought I ought to find out how it was done and how much I needed to budget for. I managed to remain pretty objective until I saw a floral tribute in a brochure in the word "mum". I lose it every time I think about the boys going through something on their own.

I want a small family service at the crematorium first so the boys will feel comfortable and safe to express their emotions before a big memorial church service, which I hope will be a celebration of my life with friends and colleagues.

My song will be played and anyone who wants to say a few words will have the opportunity.

I've written a speech to be read out by my niece and Tom and I have chosen the music. I have written out a rough plan for the day but I'm trying not to take over too much. I think Tom will want and need to do something practical at the time.

As it was the last day of term I wanted to reward Jacob and Lewis for doing so well at school. We cycled to Brighton with our friend Aaron, ate doughnuts on the pier and went to the cinema.

Lewis fell off his bike and hurt himself but was amazingly brave. It's little moments like this I find really hard because I want to be there with the boys forever, for every cut and bruise and mishap.

Saturday was a lost day. I felt awful when I woke up. I ended up sleeping all day. Every time I woke up I felt so rotten I just wanted to go back to sleep. I was aching a lot and my joints hurt.

It seemed shameful to lose a day when every day is so precious but if your body is asking you for rest, you have to rest.

I felt absolutely fine when I woke up on Sunday. Tom and I collected Jacob and Lewis from my sister's house where they'd stayed the night and we had lunch at my brother Robert and his girlfriend Jane's house. The boys didn't want to leave but I had agreed to visit a church in Henfield to thank them for saying prayers for me.

I was made to feel extremely welcome and was invited to say a few words. I've asked the minister Rob to say a few words at my funeral service. I like his genuineness and the support and commitment he has shown my mum and family.

I don't have deeply spiritual beliefs but I can't dismiss the fact that I gain something from all the kindness and support from other people. I feel almost comforted knowing there are so many good and selfless people around. I realise there are lots of terrible people too but my world feels protected from all them just now.

On Monday the boys and I spent the day in Henfield with my mum browsing the market and shops. We had a light lunch in the village and then I had another of my great ideas. With the school holidays upon us I felt a compulsion to make it a really good one for the boys. My spontaneity resulted in booking a short cruise to Spain.

Unfortunately Tom can't get the time off work so it will be my mum Mavis, Jacob, Lewis and myself.

Naturally I would have liked a trip to the Maldives or a Caribbean cruise but time, money and health won't allow that so a three-day P&O cruise to Spain and back will have to suffice. I've never slept on a boat before so it will be a new experience and we've even paid extra for a sea view - luxury.

In the evening we had another singing lesson with Jordan and have booked to record Thank You For the Days next Tuesday. I'm really impressed Tom is joining in.

Jacob and Lewis are doing a solo section each and it's absolutely beautiful. It makes me cry every time I hear it but I don't know whether it's with laughter or sadness.

On Tuesday I met up with some friends for lunch and then rushed back to pack for the trip.

I always leave packing until the last minute. I'm really excited about the cruise but I'm definitely taking sea-sickness tablets for the boys and have already bagged one of the top bunks... just in case.