Is it worth getting more face cream? I'm not going to grow old

Friday was a very busy day and I had to go to the hospital. My surgeon seemed pleased with my progress and pumped more saline into my breast to increase the size. We talked about an appointment to have my nipple made. I can't help thinking how bizarre it is - it's not the sort of conversation you ever anticipate having.

The next morning consisted of lots of interviews and photos following the recording of my song. Neil, who has been helping me, came over with a copy of the short version of my song on CD and stayed for lunch. It's all very exciting. I'm not deluding myself I'm ever going to make the charts or anything but I'm extremely proud and amazed I've come this far.

Lewis and I went for a walk with my dad and his wife and their dog Leo along the riverbank. While I perished in the cold, I revelled in the views. I totally love the country and natural beauty that surrounds us.

In the evening Tom, Jacob, Lewis and I went to a race night in aid of Lewis's football club. It was a lovely evening and I was in great company but I was so tired I did not stay very long.

Jacob - my little knight in shining armour - walked me home.

Saturday was a crazy day with lots to do. I got up very early and took Lewis off to football training. On the way back we visited my friends Sue and Adrian.

Later I shopped for gifts for a wedding and a new baby. Both seem like new beginnings and I am very happy for both couples.

I don't feel remorseful or anything but I do kind of feel like I have had my time and they are having theirs now and in the future and I sincerely hope they make the most of it and enjoy it.

I guess I am a bit like the moon goddess who is withering away with her wisdom. She is based on a feminist theory we talked about at my women's group at university.

I went to the wedding reception where I met up with loads of people I have grown up with and we shared lots of memories.

It was really nice although at some points I felt almost as if I was at my own wake. I was talking to two friends and they were talking about all their memories of me and I felt like I was listening in. Everyone is so nice to me and I feel endlessly flattered and overwhelmed by the things people say.

Here is a deep confession from the heart - every night I've been using a really expensive anti-ageing product and I have almost run out. I cannot help thinking about whether it is really worthwhile investing in another pot. It seems so pathetic putting this expensive stuff on my face - I'm never going to be old.

On Sunday I got up very early and went to The Grand hotel for breakfast. It was another beautiful day. The Grand was the last of our wedding treats - a gift from the Portslade Sports Centre where I taught aerobics. It was something I did not know if I was going to use or not. I really thought I would die as soon as I got back from New Zealand.

My friend Kelly took Lewis and Jacob to Coombes Farm with her children to see the new lambs. Tom and I decided to cycle over to meet them. It was the first bit of exercise I have attempted in ages.

I am mortified by the demise of my fitness. I used to exercise quite rigorously for about ten hours a week before my diagnosis and I would think nothing of doing a 40-mile bike ride. For the first time I can remember in ages I was frequently having to stop and get off the bike and push. When we got home I collapsed in a heap on the sofa.

On Monday Lewis was full of cold so I gave him the day off school. We played cards and he showed me how to play the Playstation. Jacob walked half way back from school on his own for the first time. I watched from the porch from about 3.10pm. These are the first days of his independence and it's quite scary realising he's growing up.

On Tuesday I listened to a read-through of the article I've done with a national magazine.

My story has been very much dramatised and it was very entertaining to hear but it did make me sound somewhat shallow.

I don't really feel it portrays what it's like for me having cancer and I would never negate the seriousness of it.

My oldest sister Ann came out of hospital today following an operation to have her gall bladder removed. It's her first ever operation and I feel for her.

When she talked about how she was feeling post-operation I felt I could really relate to her about something which for me has become a way of life now.

My friend Jacqui is expecting a baby any day now and it made me reflect back to when I gave birth to the boys and the intense feeling of love I had from the moment I held them in my arms.

Giving life is a pretty miraculous thing in itself and the responsibility of doing a good job of raising children is quite scary. I hope now more than ever I have given my children a firm grounding for their future.

It really means so much to me I get that right.