I have had a good week, although it has been mixed. I had an emotional blip halfway through the week dealing with conflicts of interest between work and home life.

I feel terrible. It's just I want to help everyone and make everything right and I can't. I want everyone to get on; it means so much to me. It's a bit like tidying up before you go.

I have had lots of supervision meetings at work this week. We are also planning a summer activity programme and getting staff to commit to working on it now. I sat back and didn't say anything because I don't think my presence can be relied upon.

I met up with one of my foster children that I used to care for a few years ago. It was really nice to see her. She confessed to things she got up to when she was younger. It's like everyone wants to clear their conscience. In the evening, Jacob and Lewis and I stayed up late watching films and sticking more photos in their memory books.

The next day I had a phone call from a counsellor at the hospice I had registered with the week before. They said I am not actually ill enough to be registered yet. I feel like a hospice reject!

The counsellor said it's more of a case of living with terminal cancer than dying from it at the moment. I quite like the way she put it.

I went for a bike ride at the weekend and had a manicure and pedicure; I think it's important to look after myself. Then I realised I was late for my friends' 25th wedding anniversary in Henfield so I had to go into a shop and buy an outfit and ask the shop assistant if I could keep it on! Then Tom picked me up, put my bike in the car and off we went.

It was absolutely fantastic, with friends I have grown up with. It made me realise how long I have lived. I was going to their 25th wedding anniversary and talking about their grown-up children.

We sang karaoke really badly until 4am. I really am worse than bad at singing. I wanted to put something audio in the boys' memory boxes but I don't think I should!

I went to see my brother Robert and his girlfriend Jane. Then I went to see my dad and his wife in Lancing. I cycled across the Downs and then along the seafront. I have such a heightened awareness of how much beauty there is around us.

In the evening we went for a Sunday roast at the Royal George. I am keen to keep that tradition going. That is where Tom and I had our wedding reception in October so much has happened since then.

I want to get some normality back into our lives. It must be confusing the boys. First I told them I was ill and might die, then I thought it would be ok and we celebrated, then I had to tell them I will die, then I went into remission so told them I have a bit longer. I feel they are getting mixed messages.

I asked them if they wanted to go back to living life as we did before the cancer but they said no. They are enjoying all the things we have been doing together.

There are unresolved matters concerning Jacob and Lewis's future and I got really emotional today. I am resolved to have everything sorted for their security.

Jacob's got my operation dates confused and is upset that I am having my breast reconstruction on Valentine's Day. He's such a romantic!