It has been a tough week, dominated by ongoing discussions with the boys' father over their future and it's not been helped with us all having horrible colds and feeling rotten. The cold has gone to my chest.

Everything hurts and it's hard not to attribute it to the cancer but both boys have it as well.

I had to bring some of my best coping strategies into place to get through it. I went to see my healer twice this week.

I was sceptical when I first started seeing her but it really helps. She told me to think of positive things, so memories of New Zealand and thoughts about my family have really helped.

The other thing which helped is the tree planted last week. It reminds me how much people care and how nice people are. I also had to take Lewis for dental surgery which is always a mission because he gets so scared by the sedation.

When we returned I spent the day cuddling up to him because he was still so sleepy.

I've put one of his milk teeth in his memory box with a note reminding him how it always made me cry when he went to the dentist because he always tries to be brave but crumbles in the end.

Tom's family visited - his mum, sister and three nieces plus partners - while the boys went to stay at their dad's. The nieces couldn't make it to our wedding so we looked through the photos and DVDs, had far too much champagne and played silly games.

The next morning we went to Southwick Locks for breakfast - one of my favourite places. It's where we mums and children meet in the summer and have such fantastic times, chatting while the children play on the beach.

I wasn't feeling that good because I can't walk far so the others went on ahead. I couldn't help wondering if I'd have another summer with my friends there. When the boys came home they wanted to go for a bike ride which I didn't fancy but some of my favourite memories of them are going for bike rides so I wasn't going to miss out. It was worth the effort because it was lovely.

I chaired my first team meeting since going back to work and we set all our meeting dates for the year which felt really strange. I wrote the dates in the diary thinking I'd probably not be there anyway. I wasn't so much thinking I'd be dead but more as if I would be on leave or something like that.

Another hard thing was when Jacob caught a terrible virus. Lewis deals with illness by sleeping it off but Jacob's more like me. He wants his mum by his side when he's unwell and I can't help feeling that I'm not going to be there when he needs me.

I want to protect him and Lewis and do everything I possibly can to take the pain away.