How's this for a Dr Who episode? Humanoids from the Planet Og occupy the Earth, wearing short trousers and coloured shirts.

They take control of the TV channels so viewers' favourite slots are obliterated and replaced by endless footage of humanoids kicking a ball from one end of a pitch to the other and back, watched by tens of thousands of spectators under strict Og-control.

Normally sane people find themselves painting their faces red and white and donning grotesque costumes while others fling chairs and bottles at each other, emitting a bestial roar.

Og control is absolute. But the good Dr Who has his answer. He enters his police box, closes the door and disappears.

-Maurice Packham, Horsham