Ex-music hall star turned granny rapper Ida Barr isn't just about the beats and the rhymes: She's also about the numbers, innit.
Billed as a fallen intercontinental star who is still alive, but not so well and living in sheltered accommodation in Hackney, Ida is the alter-ego of Olivier Award-winning comedian Christopher Green.
With jokes that are as creaky as her arthritic bones, the one-time music hall doyenne is already well-known on the comedy circuit for her inimitable brand of "artificial hip-hop", which includes a rousing rendition of Missy Elliot's She's A Bitch.
But as well as rapping about matters close to her heart - home help, flu jabs and Gaviscon - Ida is also a skilled bingo caller.
But this is bingo with a big difference. Forget Legs 11 and Two Fat Ladies, Ida has her own, sometimes obscure, bingo calls such as: "I don't speak Urdu - 22" and one named after former Ugandan dictator: "Idi Amin - 15."
For the first two games you get the calls and the numbers, but by round three you're on your own with just the calls. Keep up and you're in the running for a prize courtesy of PoundStretcher.
Creator of the hideous but hilarious Ida Barr, Christopher says he hit upon the idea for the character while researching at the British Library, when he discovered a live recording of the minor music hall star.
"Ida was not a major star - just a jobbing performer who sustained a moderately successful career for over 60 years," explains the comedian, whose other alter egos include country singer and satirist Tina C.
"This is one of the reasons I am interested in her. It was the pathos of that brief biog on the back of that album in the British Library: 'Despite years of intercontinental stardom and a repertoire of standards, Ida lives alone on National Assistance, but always remains cheerful.'
So in 2001 Green breathed life into the longdead Ida Barr - she died in 1967 - and she's been back on the stage, where she belongs, ever since.
Starts 4.30pm, tickets cost £8 and £6. Call 01273 647 100
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