Actually timetable wasn't so much of a problem and I got to work in record time on empty train. But, on way home, apart from army of bank holiday trippers vying for seats with bona fide commuters, there was also problem of computer failure at Victoria.

Result being that while there were plenty of trains on platforms, there were no screens to tell you where they were going.

Railtrack decided to deal with the problem by delivering almost constant announcements, creating further confusion since the announcer had clearly never been near a microphone before.

So anxious was he to relay the destination of assembled trains that he appeared to be sitting less than an inch away from the microphone and shouting.

The effect was to make what came through the speakers on the concourse very loud and totally unintelligible.

To make matters worse, the handful of rail company staff, who usually adorn the station, had gone into hiding, leaving bewildered Burger King staff to look blank when desperate travellers asked them if they know which platform the train to Littlehampton would be leaving from.

Imanaged to get myself on the Brighton train by a combination of knowing that it usually goes from platforms 16 and 17 and opening the doors of both trains before asking no-one in particular "Is this train going to Brighton?"

On one the consensus was "Yes", on the other a mixture of "Not sure", and "No, it goes to Bognor Regis".

Having plumped for what appeared to be the Brighton train on platform 16, was alarmed to see sitting in the adjoining seat, but on train on the adjoining platform, blond athletic man from Hassocks obviously heading home on wrong train.

After double checking "Is this the train to Brighton?", I gesticulated through two sets of windows to Hassocks who looked mildly amused and continued to sit on train to Bognor.

Eventually I pulled out a notepad and wrote "You're on the Bognor train", before holding it up to the window.

Hassocks responded with a felt-tipped "I know. Some of us have better things to do on a bank holiday weekend than stick to our workday routines."

Saved from further humiliation by departure of train which, as soon as it moved far enough away from the platform to prevent anyone who was not intending to go to Brighton from getting off, witnessed the emergence of the guard (from wherever he'd been hiding) with the helpful announcement: "This is the semi-fast service to Brighton, calling at Clapham Junction etc etc. Anyone who is on the wrong train should change at East Croydon."

Announcement greeted with a mixture of satisfaction from those who, by their own efforts, had made it onto right train, despair from those who wanted to be somewhere else entirely and a question from the man opposite me: "Is this the right train for Bognor Regis?"

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.