New posters have been placed strategically around stations warning us of the dangers of misbehaving.

As well as telling us not to lean out of the window or open a door while the train is moving, the powers that be have added a few scary facts and figures for maximum effect.

THERE ARE 750V OF ELECTRICITY RUNNING THROUGH THE TRACK AT ALL TIMES - ENOUGH TO KILL YOU FIFTEEN TIMES OVER and IT TAKES A FAST MOVING TRAIN OVER A MILE TO STOP.

"Not that any of these trains ever move fast enough to need much stopping space," said friend Chris, as we sat admiring a rural summer scene somewhere near Hassocks where the train has stopped about 50 metres after it last stopped.

"Be careful not to place your coffee too near the edge of the tiny table," he added, raising his eyebrows with just a hint of irony which suggested he was mocking the well-placed warning signs put up for our own good.

"A fast moving train can slop coffee over the edge of the cup and on to your knee at a rate of two fluid ounces per half second."

"You should never drink coffee until it's cooled down completely," joined in the man sitting opposite us. "You risk burning your throat and ruining your taste buds."

"Do not stare at the ticket inspector's uniform for too long," said Chris, expressing total lack of respect for warnings for our own good, while inventing a good game to play while train is stuck in a field for no apparent reason. "The contrasting colours offend your sensibilities!"

"Do not fall asleep while the train is moving. You may overshoot your station and end up in Bognor Regis," said the man opposite.

"Do not open windows on both sides of the carriage if you have flyaway hair," said Chris, looking at me. "You'll create a cross wind and look a total mess by the time you get to work."

"Do not belittle the messy haired look," said blond athletic man from Hassocks, who unnoticed by me had slipped into the seat across the corridor.

"Do not try to turn other people's flippant games into flirtatious conversations," said Chris, directing a pretended protective glare towards him.

"Do not argue when the train is not moving and the rest of the carriage can hear and are staring at you," I interjected, aware that they could and they were. But Chris ignored me.

"Do not always try to sit near attractive men from other stations. You don't know where they've been," he said.

Fortunately, not everyone heard this as at that point the train began moving again and the conductor, resplendent in blue and yellow, passed through the carriage, mumbling apologies for the delay and explaining the track had been turned off as some boys had been playing on the track near Haywards Heath.

"And as we know," said the man opposite, "there is enough electricity going through the line to kill you 15 times over."

"Perhaps whoever gets the new franchise should print that on the side on the trains?" suggested Chris. "Like cigarette packets: 'commuting adds hours to your day and takes years off your life,' that sort of thing."

Just then, I decided to go to the loo and stood up. Where upon, the train lurched. I put my arm out to steady myself and somehow ended up clutching blond athletic man from Hassocks.

"Do not throw yourself on other commuters," I could hear Chris saying as I stood up.