Swimming round the Palace Pier I was confronted by a battleship. A police spokesperson confirmed it was there to protect Tony Blair.
It is feared irate pensioners will attempt to kidnap him. He will then be forced to live on £68 a week. This will be supplemented by 73 pence a week. A further 25 pence will be payable when he reaches 80.
-Brian Behan, Newark Place, Brighton
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