What do a naked model and a kneeling congregation have in common?

No, it is not one of those appalling jokes from a Christmas cracker. In this wonderfully wacky, vintage year for silly stories, these are my favourites for the most absurd in the last few days of 2000.

They are so bizarre, they hold their own even against dear John Prescott saying, as the full horrors of the Millennium Dome catastrophe were being revealed: "I happen to believe it is a success."

They must be the equal of two of my other favourites: education minister Margaret Hodge suggesting a ban on the game of musical chairs because it encouraged aggression, and Birmingham City Council proposing to rename Christmas as "Winterval" for fear of causing offence to minority religions!

It is always a fun to play this game at the end of the year, so let me take you back to my naked model and the kneeling congregation.

The model of course is the sumptuous Sophie Dahl. In the poster advertising Yves St Laurent's Opium perfume, she is tastefully and inoffensively draped across a silky sheet, a female celebrating her sensuality (not to mention a huge pay cheque).

Sophie's grandmother, the Oscar winning actress Patricia Neal - surely a stern enough arbiter - says all she sees in the poster is a beautiful young woman.

But that was not good enough for a sour, humourless gaggle of silly young women who complained to the Advertising Standards Authority that they were offended by the nude pose.

The wimpish Lord Rodgers, chairman of the ASA, immediately banned the poster, protesting mildly that young women were so politically correct today while older women would just laugh it off.

In the meantime, a poster campaign for a gay internet business being launched across London shows two lesbians wearing brief knickers and vests, kissing each other lustily. What will the PC young women make of that?

As for the kneeling congregation, the absurdity of the Church of England's position on the subject had me rolling in the aisles with laughter!

The Bishop of Lancaster, the Rt Rev Stephen Pedley, is concerned that congregations no longer kneel enough.

"Over the past few years, I have noticed the death of kneeling," he says. "People crouch, they stand, they sit, in extremis they appear to lie down; but hardly anyone kneels."

This is not a comedy script. This is serious stuff from a bishop who has the support of many of his contemporaries.

Hasn't the poor soul heard the Church of England is beset with alarming problems, not least of which is one of public disenchantment.

Even a congregation standing on its head should be welcomed by these unworldly priests.

But 2001 is almost here. I absolutely guarantee some hysterical stories early in the foxhunting debate.

Don't forget the best quote of 2000 from Lord Burns: "Hunting seriously compromises the welfare of the fox."

I wish you lots of New Year laughs.