Families often have long feuds over what appear to be fairly trivial matters.

A slight misunderstanding, a throw-away comment or a momentarily thoughtless action can spark wars or silences that last for decades.

I've heard about all sorts of fallings-out that have astonished me.

One friend, who was then in her mid 20s, hadn't spoken to her sister since they were both at primary school.

"She's such a show off," was my friend's explanation. This must have been at least partly true as her sister had become a topless model.

But was that reason enough to totally ignore her?

Others I know never speak to their parents - even if they only live a street or two away.

I heard one story of a mum who bumped into her son in a doctor's waiting room after not seeing him for eight years. They'd originally argued over a childcare arrangement and she hadn't seen her grandchildren in all this time.

When she asked her son how he was, he replied, "What do you care?" and walked out. This is nothing short of a tragedy.

I always thought my own family was above all this, particularly on my dad's side. They seemed to be a warm, loving, caring bunch for whom blood was thicker than treacle.

After my grandparents died the remaining relatives began drifting apart, but it seemed as though this was more geographical than emotional.

A third of them emigrated to Australia. Eight years ago my parents visited this side of the family and came home raving about the splendid time they'd had.

This year, they hoped to repeat the experience and headed off to Oz at the beginning of January.

They returned last week with long faces. The family gathering hadn't happened.

"They didn't want to see us," said my dad.

"We were in the same city, but when I phoned up I was told we weren't welcome."

Something had upset my dad's brother and sister-in-law.

My dad is not sure what, but he had a short, terse, disturbing conversation with his nephew that left him speechless.

"Why didn't you just call on them?" offered my husband.

"Because we were so upset, we just couldn't," said my mum.

"We've been puzzling over it. You start to think you must be a bad person. But we don't really have any idea what has happened."

I can't help feeling very sad about this. There have been occasions when I've felt like cutting off communication with my parents.

They can be infuriating. But within hours it has been fine. I really can't imagine life without them.

My husband, likewise, has bravely confronted his parents over issues recently and has been concerned he'd be written out of the family inheritance.

But within a week, he has been having non-confrontational discussions with them about the weather.

This doesn't mean we should be complacent, however.

Our toddler went to bed in a foul mood this evening after I refused to let her play with the bathroom's light pull.

I only hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me.