How hard should youngsters be pushed to do well at football?

During my 20 years as a referee, a vision remains of running a game at a village recreation ground where two teams of primary school children were playing. One of the teams was from my village.

I always officiated adult matches, but when it came to taking charge of a youth match as a favour for a friend I freaked out over the antics of "supporting" parents.

Not content with applauding or cheering, they were baying instructions non-stop - "pass the ball!", "your winger's free!", "tackle" and so on.

Most unedifying. What the kids thought of this, I have no idea, but I wouldn't have been surprised if several were raising a mental two fingers at the crowd.

I know I was during yells of "you're having a laugh, ref", "penalty", "you need glasses" and a few other comments that are unprintable.

During the few years when I coached junior shooters at national level, we had to ban parents from the firing point. Not because they were shouting encouragement, but because they would keep helping their children - carrying their equipment, putting up targets, checking the ammo and so on - all the things that the youngsters would have to do themselves when shooting for their country. Definitely unhelpful help!

Then there are the control freaks. Parents who make all the decisions for their offspring -when to train, what to train, what to eat, who to play for, when to go to the loo and for how long. I'm sure you know the type. It's always my team, my players and so on.

When such a parent is a qualified coach, the problem is magnified. God must not be defied. The problem rears its ugly head just when it's least wanted - the youngster is on his or her own playing in a trial match for a pro club and the authority figure is not around to tell him or her what to do.

And when the child reaches the age when he or she wants to make the decisions alone, will there then be tears before bedtime?

At least I know one parent who acted sensibly. His son was a prodigy -the best I've seen for his age - a David Beckham in the making. An obvious candidate for breaking into the game's big time.

However the delights of his weekend job and girlfriend diminished his motivation to train and he began to use his coach (me) as Mr QuickFix. I jacked it in. I was working harder than he was.

Commendably his father put no pressure on him (or on me) to continue. Only now, two years later, the lad has decided that he wants to improve and knows he will have to do the work.

He may never make it to the Premiership or be selected for his country, but at least he will be as good as he wants to be. Not as good as his father and me want him to be. It's called ownership.

So pushy parents and authoritative coaches, take a long hard look at your motives when you shout at your kids and the ref. If your child doesn't train unless you make him or her, if he or she would rather go out at weekends with friends rather than compete, then you've lost.

Better by far to put up and shut up. They are part-time footballers and full-time human beings after all.