I write on behalf of all my four-legged canine friends who have suffered so much stress over the past two weeks while those two-legged humans have been setting off bangers.

They have frightened us hounds half to death. Could Guy Fawkes be celebrated on November 5 and not for two weeks?

My master has been suffering as I whine away and has used up all the doggy bags to clean up my mess.

-Fido