It's summer time and half of Sussex is on holiday. Here is the Old Man of the Sea's A-Z guide to beach pleasures and pitfalls.
A is for Albion, the best beach in Brighton with plenty of protection, great surf and wonderful views.
B is for barbecues, the beach menace, producing strong smells and hot stones that can burn bathers' feet.
C is for Carrots Cafe on Southwick Beach, which supplies a stonking Sunday breakfast to people far and wide.
D is for dolphins, a rare but beautiful sight in the sea off Sussex.
E is for East Wittering which, with its neighbour West Wittering, lays claim to be the county's best beach, with sand, clean water and a rural backdrop.
F is for frisbee, the ideal beach toy to provide fun for people of all ages and usable even on shingle beaches.
G is for groynes, which provide invaluable shelter all along the coast and also keep the beach from being washed away in storms.
H is for Hastings, now shabby and down at heel but with the potential to be the best resort in Sussex.
I is for inshore lifeboat, providing security for everyone who steps into the sea along 80 miles of coastline.
J is for jellyfish, fortunately not often seen in the Channel but capable of providing nasty stings for unaware swimmers.
K is for the King Alfred Leisure Centre in Hove, which should be the best sports complex in the South once it has been restored or rebuilt.
L is for the lesser weever fish, which hides under the sand and provides the most painful sting imaginable.
M is for mess, which thoughtless people leave behind and for which an army of cleaners is needed to make the beaches pristine again.
N is for nightlife, which makes Brighton as lively between the piers at 2am as it is at 2pm.
O is for Ovingdean beach, one of the hidden delights of the coastline, with its own friendly group of regulars.
P is for piers. Brighton has the only Grade I listed pier (West) and the most popular (Palace) in Britain.
Q is for queues for the loos because Brighton and Hove City Council does not have enough to cope with peak periods.
R is for Rottingdean, where sea defence work has restored a beach which had been eroded by storms.
S is for sewage, which goes into the sea at several points along the coast, although the water quality readings are generally good.
T is for tea on the beach - and there is nowhere better to enjoy this typically English meal.
U is for undertow, particularly strong in surging seas off the Sussex coast on steep shingle beaches.
V is for vehicles, which keep creeping on to the promenade in Hove and no one does anything about.
W is for windsurfing, which has added colour, gaiety and interest to the seascape during the last 20 years.
X is for xtras, which make all the difference to whether a beach visit is good or bad, such as windbreaks, games and picnics.
Y is for yachting and you have to be good to sail in the unpredictable Channel waters.
Z is for Zzzzz. People who have worked hard during the year deserve the occasional 40 winks on a sunny beach.
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