A wry look at Worthing

Sentinel well remembers the last time they visited, in about 1984, when he stood on the seafront opposite Steyne Gardens as the jets hurtled towards each other at breakneck speed and passed just feet apart. It was a somewhat hair-raising and breathtaking experience.

Talking of the RAF, Sentinel was interested to learn the Mayor of Worthing, Councillor Eric Mardell, a former RAF servicemen, was recently airborne again. He was spotted bouncing on a trampoline at Davison Leisure Centre.

The mayor, with his wife, also had a memorable time in Germany, so Sentinel is told. They fully entered into the spirit of things and even dressed as a Pearly King and Queen.

Perhaps that is what the Germans regard as our national costume and, come to think of if, what else is there to draw upon in terms of truly English regalia?

As part of an annual ceremony, "the fools" took over control of one Black Forest village for the day. Sentinel will refrain from making any comparison with the borough council, or mention 365 days a year, as that would be totally unfair.

The announcement that Worthing Hospital is bidding to recruit more Filipino nurses will be greeted with approval by patients because they are a great asset to the health service and very charming and polite people as well.

Talking of the hospital, apparently patients will soon be able to sample a new menu, which will feature carbonade of beef, chicken in mustard and coriander sauce, vegetable risotto and cashew nuts, hot banana cake and seafood pasta with fresh dill and parmesan.

Despite being in robust health, Sentinel was wondering whether he could book himself in for a fortnight, having recently fractured a tooth on a home-made lasagne.

He subsequently sat in the chair ofa Worthing dentist in a private capacity and had the offending fragment removed, which took five minutes and cost £50, which is more like extortion than extraction. So much for the NHS and the taxes deducted from Sentinel's pay packet.

During a recent stroll around the tombs at St Mary's Church in Goring, Sentinel noted the grave of a General Thomas ?, who died in 1858. His surname had been worn away but the lid of the tomb seemed to be balanced on cannon balls, unless he is mistaken.

While at St Mary's, Sentinel was disappointed to note garden refuse had been piled up on the northern boundary, totally swamping graves, which seemed disrespectful. It ought to be cleared.

Talking to a well-known Worthing estate agent recently, Sentinel was intrigued to learn the housing market had indeed gone remarkably quiet.

It was a delight to see the first daffodils of spring at the George V Avenue seafront roundabout, Broadwater Green and Crockhurst Hill, heralding the fact that summer isn't far off. Hurrah!

Walking along Montague Place, Sentinel noted renovation work being carried out at Oliver's cafe-restaurant, which closed without explanation at the tail end of last year.

He popped into the Royal Bank of Scotland nearby and was tempted to reach behind the counter and snatch - no, not the cash - some Cadbury's cream eggs tantalisingly displayed on plates behind the security glass.

Sentinel drove through Angmering village last Wednesday afternoon and there was indeed less traffic on the road. But he fears the bypass turning into the village, where traffic crosses over the northbound carriageway, will soon become an accident blackspot.

He was on his way to Chichester, where two things caught his eye (and ear). The first was the remarkably lifelike stone carvings of the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh overlooking the main entrance to the cathedral, the other the sheer brilliance of buskers from St Petersburg playing a selection of xylophones with superb precision.

While doing a spot of historical research, Sentinel was fascinated to learn Angola Road was built on the site of a prehistoric beach and when workmen were digging the foundations they found fossilised sharks' teeth and shellfish.

Judging by the amount of scaffolding appearing around the Environment Agency headquarters in Chatsworth Road, the chap who runs the scaffolding firm must have pound signs for eyes.

Wandering through Steyne Gardens recently, Sentinel noted the Swiss and Dutch flags flying from the Chatsworth Hotel. Sadly, Southern Water is ignoring Sentinel's request for the company to purchase England flags for display along the seafront this summer.

During a recent swim at the Aquarena, Sentinel noted a mural in the main pool area depicting a sunken galleon flying the Jolly Roger and hoped it wasn't a pictorial metaphor for the fate of the ageing pool itself.

Alan Jones, of Cranworth Road, East Worthing, formerly owned an Austin 20 hearse dating back to 1931, which drew quite a few surprised glances as he drove it around town. The car was sold not so long ago and is now carrying coffins in Stafford, where it is in great demand as a bona fide funeral car.

Sentinel has, on a number of occasions, mentioned the increasing number of passenger jets flying through Worthing's airspace and with talk of two more runways at Gatwick it can only be a matter of time before the town becomes the Offington roundabout of the skies.

*Is Sentinel alone in feeling cheated when he turns on the BBC and Meridian regional news only to find stories about Puddletown in Dorset, Wiltshire or the Thames Valley? Is it not about time they set up a studio devoted to Sussex?

Sentinel glanced in the window of Worthing Craft and Dolls House in Warwick Street and was distracted by teddy bears in sweaters bearing the name of the town. But he had never seen such a grumpy array of cuddly toys and wondered whether the shopkeepers could invest in some happy bears.

Plans have been submitted for the development of three shops and a former art studio dating back to Victorian times in Portland Road. If they do bite the dust, Sentinel sincerely hopes a development reflecting Portland Market opposite will be constructed.

Many readers may remember the old Portland Market, a shrine to appalling Sixties architecture, when the shops resembled a row of semi-derelict lock-up garages.

While on the subject of Portland Road, how many people recall Rhapsody wine bar, which served up a mean chilli with garlic bread and coleslaw?

There has been an interesting response to this newspaper's proposals to name new roads in West Durrington after local worthies. One glaring omission was Nancy Price, a remarkable
character responsible for the bird war memorial in Beach House Park. She also wrote a number of books, acted in front of royalty, served aboard a minesweeper during the First World War, entertained a German airman to tea after he crash-landed nearby and saved downland at High Salvington from development.

Another correspondent submitted a huge list of names: Simon Mayo, Tony Blackburn, Leo Sayer, Pauline Collins, Britt Allcroft, Bill Fraser, Octav Botnar, Dr Gustafson, Gary Evans, Garry Willard, Martin Bodenham, Alan Poland, Ken Suttle, Bob Champion and Alderniti, and Laurie Claydon.

Sifting the wheat from the chaff, Sentinel thinks we can dispense with Mayo, Blackburn, Sayer, Willard, Bodenham, Poland, Champion and Alderniti.

Willard, Bodenham and Poland made their names as top football referees while Blackburn holidayed at Ferring in his youth and Sayer is actually a Shorehamite, albeit with strong Worthing connections.

Allcroft is another non-starter, although he did bring Thomas the Tank Engine to our TV screens, while Botnar has a rather shady past which might one day come back to haunt the town.

Sentinel isn't sure how Grand National winners Champion and Alderniti come into the equation, although they did once both visit the Black Horse at Findon while Sentinel was enjoying a pint.

That leaves Collins (a fine actress brought up in Worthing), Fraser (who founded the Connaught Theatre), Dr Gustafson (who founded St Barnabas Hospice), Evans (a golfer of considerable talent) and Suttle (a great sportsman).

Oh, and Claydon, who has committed his life to running local football and cricket leagues, a thankless task which has benefited thousands of people.