The following plans are being considered for Brighton and Hove.

Queens Road, North Street and Western Road to be closed to traffic and airport-style moving pavements installed on both sides of the streets.

Ejector seats and catchment areas to be provided for pensioners.

A second floor to be formed within Brighton station, to be used as a greenhouse, thus utilising the glass roof for the growing of tomatoes and other fruit for consumption at the station buffets.

This will make invaluable use of the high roof originally built for steam trains.

Tenders to be invited for the use of the Brighton Pavilion, after daily closing, as an Indian restaurant.

A subterranean glass tunnel to be built from the Aquarium to run under the length of the Palace Pier.

Marine life will be viewed from the east side and various objects on the west sewer side.

All road-hump signs to be removed since they can be mistaken for parking places for camels.

Reliable FBI intelligence has warned that terrorists have been trained as kamelkazi pilots.

Any person sighting an unattended parked camel should immediately enclose it with sandbags, which will have a soothing effect, and inform MFI.

-Eric Barnes, Lancing