A drunken monk drove the wrong way up a motorway for 12 miles while three times over the limit.
Terrified drivers swerved in horror as Canon John McLean headed towards them, "blind drunk" and oblivious to the danger he was causing.
Police signalled him to stop but had to set up a road block after he weaved between oncoming cars on the M9 in Scotland.
A court in Stirling heard the monk, a former Fleet Street journalist now at a priory in School Lane, Storrington, was returning home to Sussex after a family funeral in February.
McLean, 63, said to be dependent on charity and unable to pay a fine, escaped a jail sentence but was ordered to do 240 hours' community service.
McLean, a member of the Premonstratensian Order of White Canons, discarded his all-white habit for yesterday's appearance at the Sheriff's Court, turning up in a tweed suit.
He was told by Sheriff Wyllie Robertson the gravity of the offence meant he would have been entirely justified in sending him to jail.
Cars had to swerve and brake when confronted with the sight of McLean's borrowed Peugeot coming at them out of the darkness on the wrong side of the M9 at about 2.40am on February 28.
Alistair McSporran, prosecuting, told the court: "The police received phone calls from a number of motorists travelling south on the motorway that they had been passed by a car going north on the same carriageway.
"It was clearly a very serious situation." Traffic police joined the motorway and travelled alongside McLean on the correct side of the central reservation, signalling him to pull over.
Mr McSporran said: "The officers were driving in the same direction using the correct carriageway, and got alongside him, activating their blue lights and horns in an attempt to get his attention.
"I hesitate to use the phrase 'blind drunk' but Mr McLean seemed to be quite oblivious even to that and just carried on driving.
"I don't think he was ignoring the police signals - it's just that he didn't see them."
McLean was finally stopped at a roundabout in Dunblane, where officers set up a roadblock.
Mr McSporran said: "Even when he reached the roadblock he didn't appear to appreciate what was happening and attempted to go round the obstacle. Again, I don't suggest he was trying to evade the police - it was just that he wasn't aware of what was happening in front of him."
He was eventually stopped, arrested and taken to Stirling police station, where he gave a breath sample showing 108 microgrammes of alcohol per 100 millilitres. The legal limit is 30.
McLean, who pleaded guilty to dangerous driving and driving with excess alcohol, was banned for three years.
George Pollock, defending, said McLean was trying to get back to Sussex after the funeral when, after consuming a considerable amount of alcohol, he set off in the wrong direction towards Inverness.
He said: "Clearly he was in no state to drive."
He said McLean, a former journalist with the Daily Mail and one-time editor of Jazz News, had struggled with a drink problem for many years.
He said: "He is aware he has both let himself down and caused considerable danger to other road users."
McLean made no comment as he left court with a friend.
An earlier hearing was told McLean signed over all his worldly goods in a Deed of Covenant upon joining the White Canons, who follow the example of 12th century friar St Norbert, who travelled medieval France "searching out in his own impetuous nature some sign of God's will".
They take vows of celibacy, obedience and poverty.
McLean divides his time between the priory in Sussex and Newry, in Northern Ireland, where he is a missionary priest.
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