Dear old Madge. She has become the archetypal poor little rich girl. One of the world's wealthiest pop stars, she is sad, batty and pathetically out of touch with reality.

I put it down to too much hard work. All that flexing of muscles and snarling at people is taking its toll.

I call her Madge because that is what Madonna's ten thousand closest friends call her. Not that I am included. I have never met the dear girl. But I am sure on this occasion she won't mind.

It is just that Madge has given yet another of her barmy interviews.

On this occasion she has given her dwindling army of fans her deepest thoughts on not just the British but Europeans as well.

We are all, she assured her interviewer, unwilling to work hard because - and I hope I have this right - we are more interested in something she described as the equality of life.

Ah, bless her. Isn't she just a proper little Madge.

While we are enjoying our equality of life, the Americans apparently know how to get things done quicker. I am not sure I follow the logic but there you are.

She then went on to say living in England had made her appreciate all the fabulous things about America like customer service and stuff.

The dear, deluded girl is clearly going whacko.

The British work the longest hours in Europe and we are the only country allowing people to work more than the European Union limit of 48 hours a week.

Many work much longer hours and lots of those exceed the 12 hours a day Madge mistakenly claims is exclusive to the American work ethic.

What claptrap this Yankee dame spouts.

As for her claims about fabulous things like customer service in America, the little singing hoofer is really showing her 44 years as well as her remoteness from reality.

The 15 per cent tip, and usually more, you are expected to leave in restaurants will bring the warmest of smiles from any waiter.

I am a regular visitor to Los Angeles. I have a son living in Beverly Hills.

I love the energy there. I love the buzz of the place, the ambition, the determination to live the great American dream - still alive and well.

But I promise you, Americans can also be as idle, inefficient, pig-headed and downright rude as anyone this side of the water.

In spite of all that, I still can't help loving Madge. She has cracked the system and lives the dream.

As she raps in her new single: "I gotta lawyer and a manager, an agent and a chef, three nannies, an assistant and a driver and a jet, a trainer and a butler and a bodyguard or five, a gardener and a stylist - do you think I'm satisfied?"

No Madge, I do not. But a mouth zipper would help.