I think I am going to take myself off abroad, somewhere nice and cosy, where there might be some interesting diseases no one in the civilised world has heard of.

I will then return to this country, probably in the back of a lorry - especially if the lorry were to be loaded with some tasty goodies to keep hunger at bay.

When stopped at our frontiers, which don't seem too leak-proof if reports of their failings are not exaggerated, I would pretend I spoke no English and repeat frequently the mantra "I have no money, I demand asylum".

At this point I would produce some abstruse symptoms of whatever extraordinary disease I had decided on before I started my journey and lie back on my comfy stretcher as the world and his wife chased their tails to make sure I was comfortable.

I wasn't planning to do much for my summer holiday anyway and at least in this way I will probably get board and lodging and a comfy bed, at least for a short time.

I say this because of articles appearing in various of our daily papers setting out the cost to us in Britain of medical tourism, in which visitors from all parts of the world descend on our bulging shores and suddenly start to disclose symptoms of illnesses which, if I had detected them in my own system, would not have encouraged me to travel in the first place.

No one would deny treatment to those genuinely taken ill while travelling on legitimate business but the recent figures, disclosing how diseases this country had virtually eliminated decades ago are not only returning but rising, do not make easy reading.

Tuberculosis, once known as the white plague, was rife when I was young but determined efforts virtually eliminated it.

Now it is again growing fast, brought back by immigrants. AIDS, another illness which is costly to treat, is also increasing and shows no signs of retreating.

There is a growing feeling all overseas visitors who claim asylum at the ports of entry should be medically tested and returned to their country of origin if found to have a serious illness which would be a drain on scarce resources.

When British pensioners are charged for their nursing care in nursing homes it is easy to understand the anger at illegal immigrants getting their treatment free.

Pensioners have paid taxes in this country for many years and understandably feel they should be near the front of the queue when it comes to the provision of care - and who would say they are wrong?

It is interesting to note in many other countries there are very stringent tests before these visitors are allowed to remain.

In Australia you must undergo a medical examination. In the United States you can be deported if an examination shows you to have AIDS, and it has been established TB rates are about 12 times higher among new arrivals.

Canada makes all new arrivals pay for health checks and if you are found to have an infectious disease you are deported.

In Austria all non-EU immigrants have to be tested for a range of infections at their own expense - about £320 each.

If these other countries can insist on proper examinations for serious illnesses why can Britain not do the same?

No doubt there will be cries of distress from various quarters about the unfairness and discrimination but at some point we have to ask whether we can afford to be the little friend of all the world while so many of our own elderly folk are being charged for the care they so badly need and so greatly deserve.