A wry look at Worthing

It was such a belter of a swelter over the weekend that by 4pm most people had been forced off the beach in search of shade and a cool drink.

One newsagent in Chapel Road sold almost 600 bottles of water in less than three days, breaking shop records, and it was so hot ice cream was melting in fridges.

Spare a thought for the town's cafe and restaurant staff, especially those at Sea Lane Cafe, who have been slaving away in hot kitchens for our benefit.

People on the seafront were last week occasionally saved by a chilly sea mist which flirted with Worthing's coastline all day, but further inland, namely Broadwater, there was no respite for residents who appeared to walk in slow motion around the village.

With the sun blazing down mercilessly on Thursday afternoon, Sentinel feared for the sanity of two plastic-coated individuals, dressed as a giant bowl and skittle, who risked heatstroke by strolling along the promenade to advertise the AMF tenpin bowling complex next to the Grafton multi-storey car park.

He was also slightly perturbed by the sight of a man in a woolly hat sitting outside Paiges Bar, Marine Parade, with a pint at 7pm when the thermometer was still touching 28C (82F).

With the weather so favourable, the farmer who owns land in the vicinity of Highdown Hill has been harvesting his crops a few weeks early and Sentinel watched with interest as a combine sent up swirls of debris as it cut the corn at Goring Gap north of the railway line.

Strange black squares have appeared on the greensward at Goring, Steyne Gardens and Beach House gardens, caused by throwaway barbecue packs singeing the grass.

Sadly, on Saturday morning the greensward west of Sea Lane Cafe was ankle deep in debris left by bovine halfwits who couldn't be bothered to clear up after themselves.

Sentinel put in a call at 11.30am to the town hall, where a man gave him the number of Worthing Borough Council's refuse collection department (apparently open until noon) but he was met by an answer-phone, which was about as much use as a tanning salon in this weather.

Happily, by Sunday morning the debris had been cleared, presumably by the council, which may not be responsible for the mess but is paid to clear it up.

A major problem is the lack of bins along the front, which is something the council needs to look at, especially during the summer months when half of London decamps to the seaside.

Talking of London, which must be a horrendous place to live during this Saharan summer, Sentinel listened to one lady from the capital speak with sheer relief as she walked along the pier, refreshed by a gentle sea breeze.

With so many people on the beach, metal detector buffs were out in force, scouring the shingle for loose change and jewellery dropped by unfortunate sunbathers.

By 3.30pm on Sunday, there was a mass exodus from the beach as the barometer plunged about 20 points and storm clouds threatened.

But despite the occasional drop of rain, Mother Nature failed to deliver and the promenade was soon buzzing with families again.

However, Monday morning was a different story, with thunder, lightning and heavy showers studding the rush hour, even if the humidity remained at almost unbearable levels.

Sentinel attended a performance of Worthing's summer panto The Jungle Book at the Pavilion Theatre and was most impressed by the Kew Gardens-style scenery and lighting effects.

While the production company behind the show went to great lengths to recreate a jungle atmosphere, Sentinel doubts they were expecting jungle temperatures as well.

It must have been hell under the lights for the cast, especially Jess Conrad, dressed in a tiger outfit as Shere Khan, and Simon Young, aka Baloo the Bear.

As the sweltering audience tried to suck in what little oxygen was left in the auditorium, the lad playing Mowgli was literally dripping with sweat as he danced around the stage, turning him into something of a slippery customer.

But at least the lithe girl dancers in their skimpy leopard-skin print dresses seemed quite cool, even if Sentinel at times thought he was in a lap-dancing club.

As for the show itself, most children are brought up on the Disney cartoon rather than Rudyard Kipling's book and not even a lively musical score could make up for the lack of famous tunes. However, everybody has to live with that, because Disney religiously guards its copyright.

Undoubtedly the oddest sight of the heatwave so far was a giant inflatable Santa sitting on on a balcony overlooking Brighton Road, Lancing.

Sentinel and his family paid a visit to Peter Pan's playground where he had a chat with Clive Haggar, who has gradually been improving the children's facility.

He recently took delivery of a new bouncy castle as part of a rolling programme to update the attractions, complete with a corporate red and yellow livery.

Clive has ploughed every penny he has earned from Peter Pan's this summer back into the playground, which was brimming with youngsters during the heatwave.

It costs only £3 per child and 50p per adult (including a cup of tea or coffee) to stay all day and those wishing to go for a dip in the paddling pool can do so and then return to the playground, subject to their hands being stamped.

Sentinel has nothing but praise for Clive but he couldn't help wondering why the borough council won't invest some of its own cash in Peter Pan's, which has the potential, alongside the pool, to be a fantastic asset for the town.

It is just a shame nobody at the town hall (with the notable exception of Tim Dice) has the vision to realise this or the get-up-and-go to accept the boating pool nearby is a disgrace and ought to be sorted out.

And before councillors start whining "Who's going to pay for it?", Sentinel must remind them they could find more than £140,000 last year to line their own pockets.

Talking of the paddling pool, Sentinel was wandering along the pier last week and could hear the distant excited laughter of children larking about in the shadow of the fountain.

He also spotted a young lad just to the east of the pier being buried up to his neck in smelly mud, which seemed about as enticing as, er, the foul green gloop passing as water in the aforementioned boating pool.

Sentinel visited Beach House Park at the weekend for the opening ceremony of the English Bowling Association's 100th anniversary centenary test matches featuring England, Ireland, South Africa and Australia.

With the morning dew glistening on the greens and squirrels darting back and forth, it was a joy to behold, but unfortunately somebody forgot to switch on the microphone and therefore the Shakespeare quoted by Mayor James Doyle went unheard by most spectators.

Councillor Doyle must have been very uncomfortable in his woollen lounge suit and Sentinel urges him to go out and purchase a lighter summer outfit as a matter of urgency.

Sentinel noted a bottle bin has been installed next to the taxi rank near South Place but surely it should be sited near the beach shelter opposite West Buildings, where drunks continue to congregate, using what should be a family facility as a urinal.

About 20 per cent of householders in Ferring are still refusing to pay their annual £60 subscription to the organisation which maintains the village's private road network, resulting in a warning that stretches of highway adjoining defaulters' properties will not be looked after, inflaming the possibility that this picturesque village may soon boast an unseemly patchwork quilt effect, not to mention potholes.

Driving past the shuttered Corner House pub in West Durrington, Sentinel winced at what an eyesore it had become, matched only by the recently boarded up Rivoli pub, which, on top of Teville Gate, is an insult to this town.

After weeks of not much happening, workmen appear to have moved on to the overgrown building site next to St Paul's Church at the junction of Chapel Road and Richmond Road, where hoardings now obscure what has become an eyesore.