"Hi Mum," I said. "How are you and Dad?" "Fine thanks." she replied. "How come you're 'phoning mid week?"

"Well, I'm in a hotel near Heathrow and there's two hours until dinner and I'm really bored so I thought I'd call."

I was in a hotel because I was attending an NHS conference with colleagues. It was going well but we were at that time at the end of the day's work before dinner when there's nothing to do.

I couldn't go for a walk because all there was a main road with other hotels on it and the airport.

I'd already had a bath using my free stimulating seaweed bath foam and had made a cup of coffee using the dinky kettle and free sachets of coffee that were in the room.

I'd unpacked my bag, which hadn't taken long as it was only a two-day conference so it was only a case of putting away clean underwear and clothes for the next day.

My bag itself had caused my colleagues some mirth as I hadn't been able to find anything suitable and had had to take one of daughter's old rucksacks, whereas they all had proper smart overnight bags. Obviously I am destined never to be sophisticated.

"How come you haven't started on the mini bar yet?" asked Mum.

"Because it's horrendously expensive and it's in a 'smart' fridge with a notice that says if you move anything you automatically get charged," I explained.

"Well, they won't charge you for opening the door will they?" asked Mum.

"I don't know. They charge nearly two quid for a small tub of Pringles so they might do," I said.

"Mind you, if I get hungry later I can order a cheeseburger and chips for only £10, or of I'm really thirsty I can get a bottle of champagne sent up for the bargain price of a £116."

"What's your room like?" she asked.

"Chintzy but very comfortable," I told her. "The hotel itself is weird. It has this huge marble lobby full of imposing Edwardian pictures but upstairs in the bar area there's a sort of strange Japanese water garden with water flowing over black pebbles and glass fish with lit-up walkways to the bar and Tibetan statues everywhere.

"I guess you could call it 'fusion design' but I think I prefer my garden pond."

"Sounds like you're missing the family," said Mum.

"I am," I said. "It must be awful to have one of those jobs where you spend vast amounts of time travelling and staying in hotels."

"Never mind," said Mum. "You can go home tomorrow and do the ironing.

"Obviously the jet-setting lifestyle is not for you."