A town called Swindon is all that stands between Brighton and Hove Albion and the glory of the play-off final with the chance of promotion to Division One.

For the footballing pundits, the contest is too close to call - Brighton may have finished higher up Division Two but the Robins are more than capable of knocking the Seagulls off their perch this Sunday.

Someone once said "know your enemy" so with that in mind reporter Barbara Davidson took a trip up the M4 yesterday to take a closer look at our rivals. Nothing personal Swindon but she left again three hours later.

When the footballing crowd of Sussex arrives in the soccer hotbed that is Wiltshire this weekend, who can doubt their minds will be completely focused on one thought and their hearts united in one belief - at least they don't have to live in Swindon.

Harsh? Perhaps but this is a town deemed so unrelentingly dull most people prefer to stick with the M4 and just keep on going.

The very name Swindon, for someone who has never had the pleasure, conjures up pictures of an old British Rail outpost and not much else.

This is the place even deemed a joke by the star of TV's The Office, David Brent. And he lives in Slough.

For anyone unfamiliar with the BBC series, Brent is the fictional buff of the Slough branch of Wernham Hogg paper merchants.

The company's sister office in Swindon is forced to close and their staff move to Slough giving Brent the opportunity to welcome the newcomers with the joke "How much damage would an atomic bomb do to Swindon? £15 worth!"

No one laughs of course but, just as I expected, there is no smoke without fire.

After a few hours in Swindon I think I know where Brent is coming from.

It's not that there is nothing to do in Swindon, as long as you like shopping everything will be fine, it's just that it all looks so, well, average.

Maybe that's why Swindon failed to make much of an impact in its battle for city status, the contest in which Brighton and Hove emerged triumphant.

Of the 40 towns hoping for an upgrade to city status, Swindon was generally thought to be the third strongest contender after Brighton and Hove.

It probably didn't help though that while Brighton celebrity residents were singing its praises, Swindon's equivalents such as Mark Lamarr were telling anyone who would listen how Swindon was a great place to leave.

Indeed, Swindon Town FC may not realise it but they have much to thank Brighton for. At least they didn't have to change their name to Swindon City FC.

My visit to Swindon clears up one thing that's been (mildly) puzzling me for years.

Have you ever wondered where precocious teenage pop star Billie Piper (the youngest girl ever to reach number one) got her drive from?

How come she was making musical history and raking in millions when most girls her age were squeezing their spots and throwing tantrums?

Now I know where she got her get-up-and-go - she came from Swindon. Who wouldn't want to get up and go?

Which leads us nicely on to one of the best things about Swindon - there are lots of ways to get out of the place.

Fame and fortune may have been the ticket out for Billie, Melinda Messenger and the town's most famous former resident Diana Dors.

But for the rest of us, the M4 will do, not to mention the fantastic rail links. Even Europe's oldest road is nearby.

As one former resident who recently escaped to London puts it: "Brighton has the Royal Pavilion but Swindon has got nothing better than a plastic statue of Diana Dors.

"It's grim. Anything attractive to do with Swindon is outside it. No wonder Brunel built a railway out of there."

Swindon is justifiably famous for its trains. This is the town which built the first locomotive to reach and pass the magical speed of 100 mph.

In fact on May 9, 1904, the Swindon-built City of Truro engine became the first vehicle of any kind to reach the magic ton.

In later years, however, Swindon railway's biggest success lies in the fact it is one of the few real places mentioned by name in the series of children's books starring Thomas the Tank Engine.

Struggling to fill my afternoon, I take a trip to the tourist information centre. The woman behind the counter suggests a couple of shopping centres - one billed as Europe's largest covered designer outlet, housed in the "splendidly restored" Victorian railway building.

Apparently, it's adorned by a rare collection of overhead cranes, while a giant locomotive lurks amid the groceries in the food court.

No doubt this is a must-see for visitors to Swindon but I preferred the tourist lady's other suggestions.

Not because they all involved leaving the town but because they sounded like they might provide material for another joke.

So it was off to the Oasis Leisure Centre on the outskirts of town, a grim monolith of a building with no windows to speak of.

An unpromising tourist attraction you might think but this is in fact the inspiration for one of Britain's biggest bands.

Oasis frontman Noel Gallagher confirmed during a radio interview he had visited the centre while working as a roadie for the Inspiral Carpets in 1993.

Brother Liam who had come along to the gig was very taken with the name Oasis.

He suggested to Noel it would make a good name for their own band, then called The Rain. The rest is history.

Ironically - but not surprisingly - the band never got around to playing a gig in Swindon.

Next stop on my tour is the Motorola building at Groundwell about four miles outside town.

A striking piece of architecture which has won awards for its futuristic steel design, it is sadly hidden behind security barriers away from prying eyes.

Anyone who really wants to see it will have to watch the James Bond movie The World Is Not Enough in which the factory doubles for an oil pumping station. In the film it gets blown up.

Perhaps the town's Bond connection is fitting, considering author Ian Fleming lived just five miles outside the town and is buried there.

Swindon's really unmissable sight, which visiting Albion fans are sure not to miss, is just a few hundred yards from the football stadium.

Who can resist the surreal motoring experience that is The Magic Roundabout?

It has nothing to do with Dougal the dog or a hippy rabbit called Dylan but the name has stuck since its introduction in 1972.

The revolutionary attempt to solve a local traffic nightmare resembles six little roundabouts all joined up together.

You would think it the perfect recipe for traffic chaos allowing traffic to flow freely, well more freely than the roundabout next to Brighton's Palace Pier.

Time to leave Swindon now but not before a look in the local evening paper, which reveals the town is buzzing with excitement in the run up to Sunday's game.

For most of my brief visit I had managed to avoid this "buzz" but now outside the impressive County Ground I felt its force. A queue of eager Swindonians lined one side of the building in the hope of securing tickets for the big game.

Confident fan Janice Mitchell, 39, said: "I have a feeling we're going to win."

She was also keen to stick up for her town: "Anyone who says anything bad about Swindon is talking rubbish. It's close to the Cotswolds and there are lots of nice places to shop.

"Brighton is lovely too. It has some great sights but I don't think there is that much to pick between them."

Not everyone was so loyal though.

Steve Jefferies, 40, said: "Swindon is Big Mac city. I've never been to Brighton but I think it's a little more ... "

There was a long, uncertain pause. I left the question hanging in the air.