Malcolm Sentance has not spoken publicly since the trial of the man who killed his partner, Jane Longhurst - until now.
Here he talks to Phil Mills in support of the campaign to ban violent web sites and stop Graham Coutts, who was jailed for Jane's murder, being able to promote sexual perversions from prison.
The future he would have had with Jane Longhurst is still in Malcolm Sentance's thoughts.
He believes they would have a family of their own by now and knows he can never replace the partner he still thinks about every day.
He said: "We would probably have had a baby by now - Jane really wanted us to start a family.
"I still see her in my mind all the time. She was a lovely girl and I miss everything about her, especially her friendship.
"I carry her with me.
"It is hard. Hard knowing I can't replace her. Jane can't be replaced."
Despite his sorrow, Malcolm does not want people to feel sorry for him and accepts he is grieving.
He is trying to look forward and spoke of his ambition to get a job again and rebuild his life.
But his mind is never far from Jane. His conversation frequently reverts to his love and loss.
The stubbled chin and grey T-shirt are in stark contrast to the suited, smart-looking Malcolm who attended virtually every day of the three-week murder trial earlier this year.
He was in the public gallery just feet away as Coutts was led from the dock to begin his 30-year jail term.
He joined a chorus of verbal abuse hurled at the 35-year-old guitarist, of Waterloo Street, Hove.
Coutts strangled Jane, a 31-year-old special needs teacher, to satisfy his obsession with strangulation sex, a fetish flamed by viewing thousands of sick images on the internet.
Malcolm was in shock from the moment Jane disappeared from their flat in Shaftesbury Road, Brighton, in March last year.
He could not sleep with worry and he initially faced suspicion that somehow he was involved in Jane's death.
He said: "Police took away my computer and futon and there were DNA tests.
"There was no way I could work or do anything else."
He describes that period as "very cold" but the months following the trial have given him space and time to properly reflect and try to deal with his sorrow.
It has been hard and Malcolm has found himself weeping when he has thought of Jane or touched her belongings.
He said: "I had to sort out Jane's personal effects and gave some of her things to her mum and family. I took a lot of things to charity shops."
The pain has led to depression and anxiety attacks, not helped by his finances and career, both in the doldrums.
He has been living on benefits since September but is now anxious to kick-start his life again.
He said: "I want to do something useful again - I can't just sit around."
Good friends have been his support and he has found some purpose by backing the campaign to ban violent web sites.
He is also calling on the Government to stop Coutts being able to promote strangulation web sites from his prison cell.
Coutts, currently at Whitemoor Jail, Cambridgeshire, wrote to a woman and recommended sites with photographs, including one of a naked woman swinging from a noose.
The prison service is investigating how his letters made it past the censors.
Malcolm said: "It pours salt into wounds for me and for Jane's family. A small part of what was keeping me going was knowing Coutts was not doing what he wanted to do. But it now turns out he's still at it. I want an explanation."
Malcolm is in touch with Brighton Pavilion MP David Lepper and Martin Salter, MP for Reading, where Jane's family lives. They are lobbying Home Secretary David Blunkett.
He said: "Why should he be allowed to carry on enjoying himself?
"Meanwhile, what have I got? Jane is not coming back to me. End of story."
Malcolm is backing campaigns by The Argus and Jane's mother Liz Longhurst and sister Sue Barnett to ban web sites showing violent pornography.
Mr Lepper has taken the debate to the Commons. He said: "Violent pornography needs to be treated with the same seriousness as the Government and international community have rightly treated child porn.
"We got a favourable response from David Blunkett who said he would do everything possible to achieve that."
Jane's family first called on the Government to clean up the internet within minutes of Coutts's conviction on February 4. The Argus urged readers to petition Mr Lepper and Brighton Kemptown MP Des Turner, who backs the ban. Solicitor General Harriet Harman and dozens of MPs have joined the effort.
Petitions are being gathered across the UK calling on the Government to pressure web-hosting companies into dropping the sites and to make it a crime to download such material.
More than 1,300 signatures have been sent to MPs via The Argus and 7,000 names have been gathered nationally.
During a Commons debate this week, Mr Lepper outlined a five-point plan calling for the Government to work with internet service providers and search engines to block access to violent sites.
The petition also urges Mr Blunkett to make it a criminal offence to possess extreme images and calls for better co-operation with law enforcement agencies overseas to close sites, action against credit card firms who profit from processing payments and regulation of internet images brought under the control of communications regulator Ofcom.
Meanwhile, Malcolm's one consolation is that Coutts is behind bars. He said: "I think about him on sunny days. It cheers me up to know he won't see the sea again for another 30 years, probably never. He's not seeing anything now. All he has are his memories."
Malcolm, who is looking for work in the education administration field, spends his time cycling, doing yoga, writing and reading.
He said: "Now I want to get my teeth into something. I will never be without Jane but I want a normal life back."
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article