After fox-hunting and smoking, here are some other things the Government ought to ban.

1. Alcoholic Drinks. I'm teetotal and what you don't get you don't miss. Nothing has caused so much misery to the human race as alcohol.

2. Brighton and Hove Albion Football Club. They are just a small part of our sporting and cultural life. The hand-wringing over Falmer just bores me and, I expect, lots of other people, too.

3. Middle-aged men in ponytails. To me, this is just yuk.

4. Posh and Becks. These two dull characters seem to be boring for Britain.

5. Guy Fawkes Night. I hate fireworks. They are an unnecessary waste of money. Also, I hate all anti-Catholic bigotry, especially at Lewes.

6. Religion and politics. I envy people who are atheists and anarchists. What a better world if both didn't exist.

-David Broughton, St Leonards