"You have to put a steak through her heart, chop off her head and stuff it with garlic," says Richard Bremner in a matter-of-fact drawl.
"That kills the vampire and releases her soul."
He's talking us through the process of redeeming a maiden whose neck has been pierced by the fangs of Dracula.
But after some 150 appearances as the Transylvanian Count, the veteran actor is less interested in supernatural ailments, more concerned with the state of his ankles: The acclaimed set, duly "dark and forbidding", is set at a "ridiculously steep angle".
Best known for playing arch villain Lord Voldemort in the first Harry Potter film (although "you only really see a hooded figure with a very bony finger - most of what I did was cut because it was too scary"), Bremner is now trying his "quiet menace" on stage audiences as he takes on the role of Dracula, "the granddaddy of them all".
Adapted from Bram Stoker's classic novel by award-winning playwright Bryony Lavery, and also starring one time Dalek-hunter Colin Baker as Van Helsing, the play follows the plot of the original while placing the Count's adversaries firmly in the 21st Century.
After visiting Castle Dracula, solicitor Jonathon Harker (Giles Fagan) returns to the safety of England and the arms of Mina (Laura Howard), his beautiful bride-to-be.
But he soon discovers the Transylvanian terror has followed him home - in a very modern manner.
"Bram Stoker's book is pieced together from journals and telegrams and letters," explains Bremner, "So, in a modern world, that translates quite easily to text messages and emails.
"Nowadays people can disguise their identity using software and we have to have protection against computer viruses - in that way the play can explore a lot of the chameleon-like, parasitic nature of Dracula.
"It's a Dracula for today, basically - a Dracula for a young audience who know about Buffy The Vampire Slayer but haven't read Bram Stoker's book."
But while production shots show him hunched over a laptop in a Matrixesque trenchcoat and reviewers have detected in his delivery a touch of Spike Milligan, Bremner says his portrayal of Dracula is still rooted in a deep, romantic yearning.
"Depending on what he needs he can be charming, sarcastic, bestial and urbane," he says.
"But he can also be very loving and very tender. He's constantly searching for and rediscovering what happened so long ago he can hardly remember it. He knows he's missing something - he's desperately trying to become fully human again."
Aside from meaningful performances, the key to the success of this re-vamp is likely to be the contribution of Scott Penrose - Magic Circle member and Jonathon Creek advisor - whose illusions for Dracula include on-stage vanishing and, yes, a spot of head-sawing.
"If I told you how we do it I'd have to kill you," sighs Bremner down the phone.
It's not a hugely convincing threat. But then, these days, a Sony Ericsson is probably all Dracula needs.
Starts 7.30pm with 2.30pm matinees on Thursday and Saturday. Tickets cost £15-£24, call 08700 606 650.
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