Men's pants used to be a secret part of their lives, revealed only to their mothers, their wives and the assistant in the laundrette. You didn't ask and they didn't tell. There was no real reason why anybody else should need or want to know about their underwear.
Now, however, some sort of liberation, or brushed cotton revolution, seems to have taken place. Because all the men l know are keen to disclose what they keep in their trousers.
For instance, I was at a party last weekend and a couple I know very well began discussing the state of the husband's underwear with me. According to him, his two-year-old Calvin Kleins were proving more robust than inferior makes that quickly develop "crotch rot". His wife disputed this, pointing out that they were showing wear and tear "in the usual places". As much as I love and admire this couple, this was probably more information than I needed.
The next day, my sister-in-law rang to advise us what her husband wanted for his birthday.
"A CD, some sports socks, ooh, and some pants," she said. "He likes M&S boxer shorts."
My husband was horrified to hear this, mainly because he personally ONLY wears Sloggi briefs "in grey or navy", as he told my sister-in-law (so woe betide anyone thinking of giving him Thomas the Tank Engine Y-fronts for Christmas).
Then I found a pair of my neighbour's smalls on our patio. I presume they'd blown off his washing line but it could he another example of "know me, know my pants" syndrome.
Perhaps the tide began to turn two years ago when, after his knickers drawer was rifled for evidence of sexual misdemeanours, US President Bill Clinton announced he preferred briefs to boxers. Despite being one of the most powerful men in the world, it did his reputation no harm. Quite the reverse, in fact. It proved that beneath it all, he was just an ordinary guy.
The trouble is, the rest of the world's male population now thinks that his gussets will be equally newsworthy.
Even the "suits" are at it. The British Council has just launched a touring exhibition of men's and women's underwear to prove to foreigners we Brits aren't the dowdy, stuffy and repressed breed they seem to think. I don't know who came up with this idea but I presume it was a man joining in the spirit of the age.
Maybe this is the price we women are paying for wanting equality. Women's lingerie has long been associated with sexual allure. Now men think their scuzzy nicks deserve the same attention.
And what they clearly believe is that by making smalls talk with us, we'll begin fantasising they look like Superman (now there's a role model).
The sad truth is that I can only think of that scene in Notting Hill when we see the Welsh lodger trotting downstairs in baggy, off-white Y-fronts. That's more like reality.
My advice, men, is keep your pants to yourself. We girls just don't want to know.
Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.
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