Ah, the joys of parenthood. Did you see parents have been paying around £800 a year to kit out their daughters at Roedean?

Perhaps it's just as well that Britain's top private school for girls is not for the likes of us.

Apparently the school has had to open its own shop because parents were so upset at paying top prices to school supplier Harrods at the time Mohammed Fayed, owner of the Knightsbridge store, was sending his daughter Camilla to Roedean.

You might think parents paying £5,800 a term would not be too fussed about laying out £30 for a T-shirt, but then the rich are quite canny about how they spend their pennies.

At least they seem quite happy about uniforms up there on the hill outside Brighton, whereas most of us parents have a devil of a job persuading our offspring to dress up for school.

I remember when my eldest son won a scholarship to Dulwich College. I could see him there in my mind. Straw boater, glorious striped blazer and slacks with knife-edge creases. Naturally he would address me as Sir.

Some hopes. He never once wore his boater, discarded his blazer at every opportunity and the slacks usually looked like an Oxfam reject. Like many kids, he loathed school uniform.

Perhaps Framlingham College, a private boarding school in Suffolk, has the right idea. Headmistress Gwen Randall is paying £30,000 out of school funds to provide her 700 pupils with a new uniform.

She acted after complaining that children were constantly breaching uniform rules, aided and abetted by their parents. A smart uniform is part and parcel of good discipline, she said.

Tory leader William Hague is all for that. He wants head teachers to be given powers to make children go to school in uniform. Children wearing what they like creates rivalry and tension, he says.

It looks like teenagers finally are losing the battle of what to wear, which must cause parents almost as many headaches as the age-old question of what time they should return home at night.

Mums and dads who fail to control troublesome teenagers could now be clobbered by Jack Straw's parenting laws.

Last week magistrates ordered Bristol mother Lena Summers, 34, to attend a three-month course to learn how to deal with her 14-year-old son David, who has been skipping most of his lessons. She is the first mother to be the subject of a Parenting Order.

In recent times the education system has been blamed when children have not turned out as model citizens.

Marjorie Evans has been sentenced to jail for slapping an unruly pupil. One of my old teachers, known to us as Tiger Hart, would clip you round the ear for mispelling a word - and then make you write it out 50 times.

But for splendid teachers like Tiger, my ugly mug wouldn't be on this page today.

Poor excuse to hate Nick Nick Faldo is 43 this very day so it gives me great pleasure to blow a loud raspberry in the direction of his detractors and wish him a happy birthday.

Despite lack of form in recent years, as winner of six major golfing titles he is still Britain's most successful sportsman of modern times as well as being the richest - his fortune is estimated at £45 million.

Last week Nick battled bravely in the Loch Lomond classic, despite one leading commentator suggesting he is mean, selfish, arrogant and the most hated man in British sport.

In that case, nobody seems to have told the golfing public because he commanded the biggest cheers at Loch Lomond.

Nick is back in the firing line through differences with Mark James, last year's Ryder Cup captain. It's easy to see why fellow golfers dislike him. Nick hasn't much time for social graces and small talk, is often critical and manages to fall out with those closest to him.

But I suspect there's another reason why he doesn't go down well with the golfing establishment. Nick's a poor boy made good.

Too much of a good thing?

Could the hype surrounding the still pending 100th birthday of the Queen Mother be too much of a good thing? A shade over the top perhaps? I see no sign of the nation dancing with joy. Indeed those closest to her seem totally bored by it all.

The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh looked like they were attending a wake rather than a celebration when they led 37 members of the family in last week's anniversary service in St. Paul's Cathedral.

Dr George Carey, Archbishop of Canterbury, reckoned the whole nation was celebrating her centenary, though the message does not seem to have reached the House of Commons.

Only a handful of MPs were on hand to hear the Prime Minister pay tribute to the Queen Mother and her "unique place in the heart of the nation." Most MPs had deserted the chamber before he stood up to speak.

We all love the Queen Mum and I can't believe there's been a sudden rush of republicanism. More likely people can't relate to a birthday that doesn't take place until August 4. Those who organise these things should have used some common sense and waited for the day.

There's nothing big about show Big Brother is watching you. That was the chilling message behind George Orwell's novel 1984, but I can't quite see what that has to do with a bunch of human guinea pigs about to appear on our screens over the next 64 days.

There's nothing faintly ominous about TV's Big Brother, starting tonight on Channel 4 and the internet.

Millions of us will be watching five men and five women eat, sleep, wash, chat and argue on camera. They may even perform certain other functions - if the programme makers get lucky.

The contestants, picked from more than 40,000 candidates, entered their purpose-built house smiling at the thought of winning £70,000.

Each week viewers vote for one or two to be evicted and the sole survivor on September 15 will hit the jackpot.

I reckon pictures and details of the ten tell us already who's going to come out on top. My money is on Nichola, an artist from Bolton. Should the public prefer a man, my pick is Nicholas.