Sussex Sunday League men Gladstone have proved true the well-used phrase "age is no barrier".
They have just clinched the Division Six championship with a starting 11 whose ages average 40! The team, which featured in Park Life last season, are still together and seemingly getting better.
SWEEP STAKE Worthing League team AMC Athletic acquired a new sweeper moments before a recent Premier Division game with MIB. Heavy overnight rain had left the Hill Barn pitch looking like a paddy field and there was little prospect of the game starting with one goalmouth under water. So AMC spongeman Paul Holden went knocking on doors along the nearby A27 and persuaded a woman who said she hated footballers to give him a yard brush. With the goalmouth swept, AMC struggled to a 2-2 draw with nine-man MIB, whose 'keeper, Steve 'the Club Foot' Waller sliced a penalty wide of the post in the second half.
CAVALIER STYLE Station Cavaliers finished their season like a steam train to win the Sussex Sunday League Division Two championship. The 2-0 and 2-1 double-header wins over Harbour View saw their ship come in. It completed a cruise of eight straight victories, and a dramatic slip by Fishersgate, who lost 2-1 and 3-0 against Hollingdean Albion with only three points needed to win, handed them the title.
BUCK THE TREND Tabernacle Reserves kept a clean sheet against AMC Athletic Reserves in the Worthing League thanks to their joint top goalscorer. Steve Buck was keeping goal and pulled off a number of fine saves to deny AMC.
SMELLING OF ROSES Lower Bevendean marksman Steve Crooks hit a daisycutter - and was left smelling of roses with his team-mates. Crooks so often thumps his shots into nearby gardens or even further, but this time in a 3-2 win against Rottingdean Village he finally found the onion bag.
BACK TO CLEAN UP Referee George Murray has come back out of retirement to clean up the game. The 65-year-old retired Wadhurst schoolmaster, known for being a disciplinarian, issued three red cards and seven yellows in a recent match in Kent. He said: "I take no nonsense. If you step out of line, you're off!" Be warned.
DUKE FOR GOALS Terry Duke was in seventh heaven for South Central Wanderers. Needing maximum points in the Brighton League Division Three to keep in with a shout of the title, Terry blasted an amazing seven goals in the second half to seal a 13-0 win against Inter Brunswick.
TACHE TO SUCCESS There always seems to be something happening at Brighton Electricity. Now the club's hotshot Ian Le Cheminant has scored 26 goals in 23 matches. That includes eight hat-tricks. When he shaved his moustache, he didn't score. Then the stubble came back and so did the goals.
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