I may get rid of my mobile phone. It's just too easy for the family to contact me and keep tabs on my whereabouts.

I had gone down to the lifeboat station the other night to see the crew and was helping with boat safety checks. My mobile rang.

"Hello," said daughter, "Where are you?"

"At the lifeboat station," I said. "Why didn't you come home from work first? Why did you go straight there?"

"Because if I come home first I end up walking the dog, feeding the cats, cooking the dinner, and helping you with your homework and by the time I get down here everyone else is going home."

"Well, how long are you going to be?"

"I don't know," I replied.

"Oh," she said, "see you later then." "Bye," I said, screaming silently: "Leave me alone."

Five minutes later the phone rang again. "Daddy wants to know how long you're going to be because he wants you to bring him a vanilla milkshake from McDonalds.

I decided it would be easiest to give up any attempt at having a life and said I would be home soon with the milkshake.

"Can I have a toffee sundae if you're going there anyway and Daddy says we haven't got any bread."

No, I wasn't going there anyway, or at least I hadn't planned to. Obviously any plan which involved me spending 122 minutes doing what I wanted to do was doomed to failure.

My friend Richard offered me a lift home via the drive-in. I decided we could live without bread.

"Vanilla milkshake and a toffee McFlurry, please," I ordered.

"Sorry," the chap behind the counter said, "we haven't got any milkshakes."

I called daughter. "Tell your Dad there's no milkshakes. Does he want anything else?"

After three minutes' muttered conversation at the other end, she said: "No."

"Okay, I've got your McFlurry," I said.

"I didn't want a McFlurry," she said, "I wanted a sundae. I don't like McFlurries, I only like sundaes. Can't you get me a sundae and you have the McFlurry?"

By this time a fair number of cars were waiting impatiently behind us.

"Can you do me a sundae as well?" I said to the chap behind the counter.

"Sorry. We haven't got any sundaes tonight."

"'They haven't got any sundaes," I said to daughter, "now do you want this McFlurry or not?"

"No, unless you are going to Asda for some bread in which case ..."

I rang off before she could say anything else and we drove home. Richard ate the McFlurry in order to stop me using it as a weapon.

I got in the house. "Where's your Dad," I said.

"He's gone to bed. I'm just going too. Goodnight."

I looked around the empty living room and knowing the rest of the crew had probably gone down the pub decided to pour a very large glass of red wine.

My mobile will remain switched off.