Paul Young grabbed a first-half hat-trick on his full County League division one debut for Horsham YMCA.
The side roasted visitors Shoreham 6-0 at a sweltering Goring Mead.
Manager John Suter had agreed to make notes for a newspaper report and was soon scribbling as Young fired his side into a sixth-minute lead and Mark Francis added a second on 15 minutes, despite looking suspiciously offside.
Wayne Potter controversially had a third ruled out on 26 minutes but Young on 31 and 40 minutes completed his hat-trick to make it 4-0 at the break. The pick of the goals was Matt Duffield's fifth after a sweeping move with Young and Nick Flint while Francis added the sixth.
Suter said: "It was energy-sapping conditions but we played quite well considering. I am loathe to criticise any other team but Shoreham did not have a good day at the office."
Lee Stevens was involved in all four goals as Pagham clinched an impressive 4-2 win over Three Bridges to go third in the table. Stevens was twice brought down for penalties which Adie Miles converted and also scored two himself.
From 4-0 down, Bridges staged a late fightback which reaped goals for Pat Massaro and Sean Campbell.
Southwick are the early season leaders following a 5-1 trouncing of Ringmer on Friday night thanks to goals from Graham Martin (2), Simon Funnell, Ben Milford and Jamie Ash.
Chichester are second after a 1-1 draw at home to Hassocks. Joe Fernley gave Hassocks a 16th-minute lead but Chi levelled just before half-time when Matt Smith sent Roger Moore through to score.
Whitehawk got off the mark after two defeats with a convincing 5-0 win at Wick thanks to goals from Ollie Rowland (penalty), Simon Rowland, Tommy Pattenden, Terry Cooper and Craig Bunch.
Burgess Hill's 3-2 victory over visiting Littlehampton came at a price as Leo Day required stitches after suffering concussion and Dez Guile went off with an injured arm.
Littlehampton also lost a player, although John Bennett was sent off for violent conduct after a clash with the Hillians' Tom Levitt in the second half.
Sean Randell gave Hill the lead but a superb volley by Tommy Gomez brought the visitors level. A clinical finish by Levitt and then a third five minutes before the break by Randell made it 3-1. But another fine goal by Steve Davies in stoppage time made the score respectable for the Marigolds.
Sidley picked up their second victory on the road thanks to a late winner at Arundel direct from a free-kick by Adam Day, although youngsters Shae Spreafico was again on target with a brace that took his tally to four goals in two games.
Spreafico put Sidley 2-0 up after 17 minutes but Arundel fought back to level with Dave Ward and Gary Norgate on target before Day's winner with ten minutes left.
New boys East Preston are enjoying life back in division one after two wins on the bounce, the latest a 4-0 victory over pointless Hailsham.
Dave Walker, Simon Clayton, substitute Andy Quigg and Matt Huckett got the goals. Selsey had Paul Lee sent off as they drew 1-1 at home to Peacehaven.
Lee was dismissed for foul and abusive language 20 minutes from time.
Matt Balmer gave Peacehaven a first-half lead but Derek Chester levelled.
Sidlesham picked up a 2-0 win at Redhill after a flying start in which Dave Towers, son of boss Richard, scored in the first minute while Glen Bridgeman added the second.
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