Man has nothing on man's best friend, according to Brighton-based author Olivia Edward. She says there's just no contest between men and dogs.
Olivia has just had a book published explaining why canine companions are better than blokes in relationships.
The pocket-sized manual The More I See Of Men, The More I Love My Dog is on sale in bookshops across the country.
One-liners in the book include "Dogs are not embarrassed about expressing their affection for you in public"; "You don't have to meet your dog's mother before moving in with him"; "Cute dogs don't know they're cute"; and "Dogs don't come home angry and stressed after a hard day in the park".
Olivia, 28, a chef and part-time journalism student, said: "I got the idea when I was sitting on the sofa looking at my then boyfriend and my dog.
"It's about why dogs are better than men but it's in a jokey way, it's not a feminist rant.
"I've had Thistle, my West Highland Terrier, for three years and he is more loyal than men."
Olivia, of Riley Road, put the idea forward to Summersdale Publishers in Chichester six months ago. With illustrations provided by The Argus cartoonist Alex Hallatt, the books have hit the shelves in the last few weeks in time for Christmas.
Olivia said: "Alex's cartoons were perfect for the book, so I'm so pleased she was able to illustrate it."
However, the publishers risked making Alex barking mad with one howler - they spelled her name wrong, missing the final T.
Alex, 32, from Eastbourne, said: "It makes me feel very proud that people all over the country will be able to buy it, even if my name is not spelt quite right."
Summersdale describe the book as "chicklit that barks" and hope it will become a Christmas bestseller.
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