Srange question, I know, but how many people have had to stand up when attending a service at Worthing Crematorium due to lack of seats?

Quite a few, I would imagine, because despite providing the council with one of its largest single incomes, the actual facilities at the crematorium have long been neglected by the power brokers at the town hall.

In my 12 years at H.D.Tribe Ltd and almost 16 years as a funeral director in Worthing, I have lost count of the amount of times a service in the main chapel, which seats fewer than 80 people, has had "standing room only".

By the very nature of the event, more often than not a large number of the people standing are not only very upset but of "mature" years.

Clearly the chapel is too small and perhaps, after years of overlooking this, the council is actually planning to do something about it.

The town hall Cabinet member with ultimate responsibility for the crematorium, Peter Green, is apparently looking at plans to rebuild the smaller chapel with a new seated capacity of 150.

There is also the possibility of an additional car park closer to the chapels.

At £336, the cost of a cremation at Worthing is one of the most expensive in the county.

I don't really want to use the words "value for money" but for that price, for a 40-minute booking, adequate seating and suitable car parking should be a prerequisite.

Looking at the balance sheet, the crematorium is clearly one of the council's biggest assets.

After years of neglect and almost short-changing the bereaved, the local authority should now actually start spending some money on it.

So Liberal Democrat councillor James Doyle is going to be put forward as the next Mayor of Worthing.

The mayoress elect is James' charming wife Melanie, who also happens to be a member of Sussex Police.

When remembering what Melanie does for her day job, it reminded me of the story of the former councillor, and in fact a one-time mayor of the town, who many years ago was stopped for drink-driving and got very bolshie with the arresting officers, giving it the Don't you know who I am?' line.

Needless to say they didn't - but soon did, as did the town magistrates a couple of weeks later.

After that it was taxis to council meetings. But whether or not that little expense was on the ratepayer still remains a mystery.

Worthing music legend has it that rock giants REM once played the Carioca Club in Eriswell Road in the mid Eighties.

However, judging by the number of people I have met who claim to have been at the gig, I'm surprised Michael Stipe and the rest of the band were ven able to get through the doors, let alone plug all their equipment in.

I really need some clarification by a bonafide witness. So if any readers were actually at the gig, please get in contact.

I have something lurking in the prize cupboard for the most entertaining answer.