I had a curious dream last night. George Bush was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his services to Arab unity.

David Blunkett landed a job as security guard at the Iraq National Museum, UN Secretary General Jack Straw issued a fatwa against Ariel Sharon and, following the death of the 500th Iraqi civilian through lack of medical supplies, the Director of the International Red Cross, Professor Anthony Blair, declared Britain's Secretary of State for International Development a saint, to be honoured in future as Mother Clare of Baghdad.

-Dennis Stuart, Frankfurt, Germany