Never mind Grimsby. For Albion to survive in Division One, Stoke must lose. Their future hinges on the fortunes of a grubby industrial city in the Black Country.

Brighton is a vibrant, cosmopolitan resort teeming with famous names desperate to be where the action is.

Stoke is a declining industrial community, close to the motorway exit for Alton Towers.

While the relegation battle has put Brighton and Stoke neck and neck for weeks, the battle in the glamour stakes was over before it even began.

In the interests of fairness, I went to the top. What has Stoke got to offer?, I asked its elected mayor Mike Wolfe.

He said: "It is the place in Britain with the best geographical location, where East meets West."

Hmmm. Clearly, he has never been to Greenwich.

He went on: "It has great travel links and the M6 and the M50 are very close by so it's easy to get to the Peak District or Wales."

Highlighting the city's unrivalled transport links, you could be forgiven for thinking the best thing about Stoke is the road out.

Compared to Brighton and Hove with its rich culture, eclectic nightlife, urban chic and coastal setting, it is understandable the locals find this line of questioning intimidating.

Home to the Staffordshire pottery industry and Wedgewood china, Stoke is more often associated with industrial decline.

Images of derelict coal mines and factories in a rundown, rain-lashed town centre hardly make for enticing holiday snaps.

Especially if viewed alongside the Regency architecture, pebble beaches and South Coast sunshine of Brighton and Hove.

When it came to attractions, a spokesman for Stoke City Council also drew a blank.

While he had heard of the Royal Pavilion, the Palace Pier and The Grand hotel, his best offering for Stoke was Ceramica, a pottery exhibition.

"We are not a tourist hot spot", he explained.

That is confirmed in a quick visit to the city council's web site. Click on the tourism link and you will find the message: "We are developing this area of the site and plan to publish more information soon."

In contrast, the city by the sea is famous for attracting a wealth of celebrities.

Sir Paul McCartney, DJ Fatboy Slim, comic Steve Coogan, model Jordan and actress Cate Blanchett are all famous names who lay claim to the BN postcode.

While Stoke has had its own celebrities, Robbie Williams soon fled to a new address in Los Angeles and Anthea Turner now resides in stately Surrey. At least, goalkeeper Gordon Banks stuck it out for a bit longer.

Even Arnold Bennett, the city's favourite literary son, soon made tracks for Paris after making his name with Anna Of The Five Towns.

As an account of the survival of human dignity in conditions of severe social deprivation, it is not the best advert for the Potteries.

Stoke may also be reluctant to admit it once harboured Edward Smith, captain of the Titanic.

And while Brighton and Hove is considering a twinning link with sun-soaked Miami, Stoke has a friendship link with Dresden.

However, it would be unfair to focus only on the negatives.

Having one of the most sought-after postcodes in the country comes at a price.

A standard terraced house in Stoke city centre could be snapped up for as little as £30,000. You'd struggle to pick up a beach hut for that in Brighton and Hove.

And, crucially, the city's sporting facilities are also something to be proud of.

While the Seagulls play on an ex-council recreation ground as arguments rage about plans for a new home, Stoke boasts the 28,000 capacity Brittania Stadium.

Colin Hayes, 63, was born in Brighton but has lived in Stoke since the age of nine.

He said: "I loved Brighton and I love going back but I wouldn't live there now.

"Stoke has had it's fair share of bad press but it has its good points and the people here are very friendly."

Coun Wolfe insisted there were more similarities than met the eye: "Stoke is a vibrant, modern town and we are definitely on the up."

Despite his assurances, there can only be one winner in the battle of the cities.

Even if Stoke do hold on to First Division status and the Seagulls sink, at least we don't have to live there.