As I get older, I am becoming a frivolous old girl. I am seeing five gentlemen each day.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me out of bed and then I go and see Jimmy Riddle.

Next it's time for Earl Grey.

When they leave, Arthur Ritis shows up and keeps me company for the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place for long so he moves from joint to joint.

After such a busy day, I am really exhausted and glad to go to bed with Johnny Walker.

PS The vicar came to call today. He said that at my time of life I should be thinking about the hereafter.

I told him that I do all the time. No matter where I am - in the living room, the bedroom or dining room - I ask myself: "Now, what am I here after?"

-I Tonks, Brighton