My recent trip to visit an old friend in Brighton's Clifton Hill conservation area began rather strangely.

I was parked outside my friend's house when I saw a man in a bird costume tearing some refuse sacks with his bill before scurrying off around the corner.

Knowing Brighton's reputation, I assumed this to be a piece of street theatre, so I shrugged my shoulders and thought nothing of it.

I gotout of the car, admired the beautifully-kept surroundings and went to see my friend.

He told me to make myself at home so I started to leaf through the pile of junk mail on his doormat. One document in particular caught my eye.

It was a magical thing which had clearly cost a fortune to produce and appeared to be about something called a communal container trial.

On further examination I surmised that someone had been planning a surprise which they had now decided to share with everyone. In January they are going to plonk enormous bins all around the neighbourhood and everyone is going to put their rubbish bags and nothing else in them.

I told my friend about this and added that it was a good job I was visiting him now because if I'd come then I would never have found a parking space. As it was I'd had to knock a motorcycle over to squeeze into the space.

"Don't worry," my friend assured me. "You need planning permission to paint your nails round here."

He continued to explain that the council employs a crack troop of heritage ladies who prevent silly things from happening and assured me he wouldn't have moved here otherwise.

We laughed about it and the matter never crossed my mind again until we visited St James's Street in Kemp Town. I've been around the world but have never seen a street where ladies of all ages go to get drunk, lie down on the pavement to say "arrrghh" to people.

This unique custom should be preserved and maybe the council should allow the bin surprise people to put their communal containers there so revellers on pilgrimage to the area are no longer forced to vomit directly onto the paving, thereby providing an improved lounging environment for Brighton's famous Arrrghh ladies.

-Dr B Ong, Threlkeld, Cumbria