If you failed to witness the rich and fortifying sight of Kim Woodburn living it up on Celebrity Come Dine With Me last night, then you missed out on an essential source of reality TV nutrition.

Experts recommend that fans of the genre get at least 2 – 3 servings of the kind of performance Kim dished up last night per week to keep them in tip top condition. These can include:

- heavy drinking

- being horribly rude

- shouting

- tears

- mild personal crisis

- sexy shenanigans

Generous Kim treated viewers to just about everything on that there list, with the exception of tears. She necked neat vodka, was horribly rude about the food, shouted everybody else down with her raucous tales of cleaning toilets in Hollywood, and tried to get off with Darren Day, which is a clear indication that the woman is suffering from a mild personal crisis. All that and she can’t even cook! Outstanding!

But variety is also an important aspect of any reality television diet. Much as an hour of nothing but Kim, a bottle of gin and a well-greased pole would have been tasty and filling, one cannot live by bread alone.

Reluctantly squeezed into the Woodburn sandwich were key ingredients Claire Sweeney, Darren Day and veteran comedian Tom O’Connor, all of whom proved excellent foils for Kim’s outlandish behaviour. Darren Day, a pale and slightly bloated shadow of his former self, nevertheless attracted the relentless attention of Kim, who couldn’t bear to be in a room with anybody younger and more attractive than herself, even if it was only Claire Sweeney.

So that called for awful lot of catty remarks barely disguised as light to medium banter, as she fought to win his attention from where she wrongly assumed it had wandered over to (Kim love, you never had it in the first place).

Tom O’Connor deserves a mention just for announcing his intentions to host a Liverpool themed evening, and then serving up a starter of goat’s cheese on bruschetta. Which Darren had never had before! And you thought these people lived the high life…