Brighton & Hove Council is, apparently, planning to increase charges in the town centre car parks again - especially in the London Road car park, which has been refurbished. I totally agree with comments from Brighton traders that this move could encourage shoppers to stay away. Perhaps they’ll defect to Worthing or Eastbourne?

I have two lively toddlers aged two and three and a VW Transporter van. For the last couple of years, I’ve been reluctant to drive my family into Brighton centre unless it’s absolutely necessary. The last time I used the Churchill 2 car park on a Saturday afternoon, I had to queue for 45 minutes while my little boys grizzled with boredom in the back of the van. And that’s not all. When you finally make it inside, if you’re a van driver, the ceiling’s so low that your natural instinct is to duck down with your chin placed close to the steering wheel. Talk about claustrophobia.

These days, vans are discriminated against by city councils. At most car parks, the head room is too low for “commercial vehicles” or the entry barrier has been lowered to stop them gaining access. My van, which is used for social, domestic pleasure purposes only, fits into about three of Brighton’s central car parks and, even then, it’s a squeeze. In most cases, you’re forced to wiggle round an unwanted obstacle course of tight bends, protruding pillars and barriers that could easily batter anything bigger than a Passat, and then force your vehicle into a space the size of a sardine can. Scraped paintwork and loss of wing mirrors (expensive mistakes) are the likely conclusion of a shopping trip into town these days.

I don’t see what the problem is, frankly. My van isn’t a gas-guzzler (it does 36mpg), it isn’t a live-in vehicle and it’s not being used for commercial purposes. I simply like to have sufficient room for my kids, adult friends and various buggies, bikes and scooters, etc. So why can’t car parks cater for plus-sized vehicles? If a whole section of the public, rather than their vehicles, couldn’t fit into council buildings, there would cries of “un-PC” and “size discrimination”.

And as for the idea of “shut up and catch the bus”, last night, I boarded one from Newhaven to Marine Gate. I know that buses are quick and efficient these days (yada, yada, yada) but this one featured the traditional ‘nutter on the bus’. Roll up for the show, ladies and gentlemen! A man of about 60, who was sporting a loud Hawaiian shirt and was almost certainly alcoholically-inclined, was holding forth on the back seat. “This is my quietest shirt,” he proclaimed to three lads of about 20 who were a captive audience, whether they liked it or not. “You can hear my shirt before you hear me when I’m wearing my other ones.” After listening to him rant for about five minutes, I couldn’t believe that any garment could be louder than his conversation. He proceeded to regale everyone, at top volume, about his various experiences with controlled substances before moving on to techniques for killing people. This was accompanied by a tirade of exited “bang, bang, crack, crack, boom” noises and actions. The other passengers exchanged glances ranging from amused grins to glares of disgust.

My bus journey was entertaining as a people-watching experience but take my two lively little boys, a stroller and bags of shopping on there? No thanks.

It strikes me that if Brighton & Hove Council is raising our parking charges, perhaps it can afford to fill the profusion of potholes that are appearing around town, especially along Marine Parade? A trip along the seafront is starting to remind me of driving in Bulgaria (except that, in Brighton, you don’t generally have maniacs approaching you at 80mph on your side of the road). And roving parking penalty vans are just what we need, ey. I really do think it’s safer to start shopping in Eastbourne or do it online from the safety of your own home.