In the last six months I have been able to catch up personally with nearly every one of my oldest and best friends. Six months you may say is far too long a time to not see friends, but I find that I see them on rarer and rarer occasions as time goes by.
Admittedly since moving to Brighton I now only live near one of my very good friends but even before we moved I found my relationships changing dramatically as we grew older.
A lot is made of people’s reliance on social networking and how its destroying real relationships – replacing face to face time with Facebook time. But I have to disagree, sadly not everyone lives close to those they are close to – careers, family life, travel and a whole world of opportunity means we don’t necessarily all live the same lives anymore and certainly don’t live near each other. Sometimes it seems I can only keep up to date with everyone’s activities by phone or the internet because we never manage to all get together in one room to catch up.
When we were younger you saw your friends every day, you lived in the same street, the same village, the same estate – the next one along at a push. You certainly saw each other at school every day, shared a class, a club and then a college. You might even end up sharing a house and partners as time marched on!
And then life gets in the way and circumstances change, maybe other friends replace the ones you had. That new boyfriend might take up a lot of your time. A new job or a new home might take your fancy. And of couse having a child tests any relationship - if only because you have less time for anyone else! Friends you know will always be there whatever you do so you forge your new path and try to remember to keep your relationships nurtured and current. But its not that easy to do so and as time stretches further and further between meetings you find you can’t always keep up to date with what your friend has been up to or immediately communicate how you have changed.
Wonderfully though I always find no matter how long it has been I can still quote a line from a favourite old TV show or joke without them looking at me as if I just have a funny turn of phrase. That shortcut of history will always keep you close no matter how far apart you are or how far apart you have grown. And here are my recent examples…
1. He became a dad around the same time I became a mum and drove for hours this week to come and visit, so our boys could meet and we could talk. Forever able to make each other laugh, we were also able to talk about the darkest parts of ourselves without fear of censure or a lack of understanding.
2. He moved across the world many years ago, he comes back once a year and we always meet up, immediately falling back into our groove. One year he came back twice – and I will never forget how happy it made me to see him resplendent in a white suit at my wedding. His life is changing dramatically at the moment and I want him to know I am here for him always.
3. We worked together as a close knit team for many years, laughing laughing always. We never dismantled as a group despite all leaving the company and still meet up at least four times a year for dinner. They are precious nights, never ever to end.
4. This special pair came and walked along the front with me and my son recently. They told me of their plans to have their own family. Despite seeing each other rarely and sometimes finding we have little in common we now find our lives starting to run parallel again and I am looking forward to a closer relationship sharing experiences common to us all. Good luck guys!
5. An ex, recently married. Was pleased and proud to attend his wedding, just as he and his beautiful bride attended mine. We speak infrequently but when we do we talk exactly the same language.
6. A pair of college friends! Everyone else fell by the wayside but us three stayed together, despite falling in and out of touch and leading incredibly different lives. One recently worked with me and couldn’t do enough to make that work (I also got engaged in his pub!)
7. Years of partying made us firm friends, now she has a baby of her own we throw lifelines of communication and understanding across the counties at each other.
8. She was so close to me, we lived together. Things felt ok when we were under the same roof. Everyone says we look like sisters, but we don’t just look like sisters. Many years separated by time zones didn’t change how we felt about each other however, recently I have made things hard for us. But I’m not worried about us.
I have made some new friends in Brighton and I am really looking forward to spending more time with them and learning more about them – maybe even sharing a future history with them. However, every single one of them I met via an online medium. So lets not be down on the use of Twitter, Facebook and the like because in the future it might be the only way we can meet new friends and keep up with old ones. And besides, you will be able to post photos of those rare, but now even more special, meet-ups!
With love and laughs and thanks to: Roger, Dan, Richard, Charlotte, Tony, John, Nick, Darren, Flan, Tracey, Lisa, Eddie, James and Kate.
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