Last time I posed the question: Are people nicer in Brighton? And came to the conclusion that yes, they were. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t come across the odd sod or been reduced by an encounter since moving here… Baby and I decided to take the plunge and get involved with our new local community as soon as we could. After nearly a year exclusively in each others company we were getting bored of each other and I knew it was unfair to him not to try and get involved with other mums and babies in the area. So I threw myself into researching baby gyms, groups and activities, and a few things for myself too. I shuddered at the thought of having to ingratiate myself into new circles just because we all had the one common denominator of having given birth but I knew Baby and I would benefit so off we went. Of course as I had reservations about meeting new people, lots had reservations about meeting us too!

BABY GROUP ONE: This group of local mums literally live one street away from me, I got their info from a lamppost notice and assumed from that that they would be open to all! Oh no, the fact I didn’t live in exactly the same street kind of counted against me when I gave my address on arrival. Second Count: I had no opinion on baby massage techniques. Third Count: I arrived with a box of Tesco chocolate biscuits for the mums to share (Finest Range mind!) but these were left ignored on the side for my whole visit and never mentioned let alone opened. In fact no snacks were forthcoming at all apart from a few orange segments that came round. Now I know that there were babies in the room and I know my way round an organic rice cake as well any mother but surely the sight of a few chocolate shorties isn’t really going to upset little Freya? To say the whole affair was po-faced is putting it mildly.

I got a small amount of satisfaction in seeing one of the most vociferous of mums from this group in Waitrose a few weeks later opening a box of baby cake bars (admittedly organic) and giving one to her precious bundle before putting the box (yes opened and violated) back on the shelf! She noticed me and pretended she hadn’t.

BABY GROUP TWO: A fun little council run group at our local community centre, this seemed much more us and we loved going. Sadly however, our time at this pre-walkers group was cut short before Baby started walking due to public opinion! Baby is a big boy: he made the most noise, hoarded all the toys and had a physical tussle with the music lady. Plus he always seemed to put his big crawling hands into a lot of tiny sleeping tots faces. A few murmurings turned into indignant questioning: ‘just how old is your son?’ and ‘is he in the right group?’ etc and eventually we were told we had to graduate to toddler group early.

BABY GYM: A wonderful exercise for your little one, but Baby and I came to this kind of activity a bit late and he took some time to get used to the noise and excitement. Sometimes he got a bit teary and upset. One other mother used to delight in following me around and asking me if I thought he had a problem? One morning when I pulled Baby out from under a massive soft sausage because he was worried about it she gleefully told the rest of the group that he was a natural worrier and to ignore him! Harrumph! After a few weeks of this hounding I was exasperated. Thankfully after Baby settled in she moved on and one morning I heard her sidle up to a new mum with another youngster with a trembly lip and in a delicious whisper delivered the devastating: ‘Do you think he’s a mummy’s boy?’ I was just glad it wasn’t me anymore!

MUMS CHARITY GROUP: Despite offering my time and skills for free I found some suspicion and frostiness awaiting me. Its hard to penetrate a tight-knit group no matter how good their intentions or yours, and why should I assume just because they are a charity they are just desperate for me to arrive to help out? But I persevered and soon became friends with many of the other helpers. A couple continued to view me with suspicion however and I found I had to try hard to prove myself, no bad thing I hear you say and I agree. But I didn’t take kindly to seeing one other mother snatching a cup of water out of Baby’s hand quite spitefully one morning and I decided that we were probably never going to fit in.

CHOIR TRY OUT: Trying to find a choir that suited me (and me it) took a few goes and I will never forget going to one session with a group that sang solely in Latin. Beautiful I grant you but takes some getting used to, now I admit I probably shouldn’t have been there in the first place - but they said it was open to all and I was open to all too so over I went. A more buttock-clenching experience I couldn’t have wished for. As I screeched my way through the Requiem the Music Director stood in front of me hissing Latin corrections to my mispronunciations throughout. No one asked my name, why I was there or anything about me, my own overtures were met with scared eyes and mumbles. To add insult to injury I managed to pull off my cars’ wheel rim as I hurried to make my getaway.

MY CHOIR: Yes even the wonderful choir I go to now took some getting used to! On my very first visit I noticed that the front row was empty, thinking that it was like school and no one wanted to sit there I decided to park up, plus I figured being new I could do with some direction and to see what was going on. What I didn’t realise was that the front row was empty because the front row hadn’t arrived yet! And when they did I was incredibly uncomfortable thinking I was sitting in someones seat. Being the newbie was hard, I stuck it out for a bit but soon realised my place was far far behind and started sitting right at the back, almost making a row of one just for myself some nights. Soon other newbies joined me and some old-hands who didn’t have a regular seat either. Now I find we have a fun little row going, we even talk to the front row sometimes!

So, don’t get me wrong I still believe people are friendlier down here, Baby and I have had a lot of fun since we started expanding our social circle and trying new things. I can walk down the street and smile at and strike up a conversation with passing mums without them thinking I am about to run off with their handbag and first-born, which is great! But in getting out of your comfort zone and trying to put yourself into new situations you are going to encounter an embarrassing setback or two, but that’s ok its still worth it. It only makes you work harder on having more to recommend yourself with. To quote D.H. Lawrence: ‘There’s bound to be a knot in a bagful’.