Oh Joy, oh rapture, oh where did I put my season ticket after it eventually turned up?

It’s the new season, it’s sunny, it’s warm, it’s too hot, let’s go down the West Pier paddling pool instead. No! It’s hammer time!

I say that because myself and my young son wandered down to Withdean last Thursday Morning.

We ambled through the woods and spotted some people on the pitch, but they were busy throwing hammers. No, not the kind you get in B&Q, but the type Geoff Capes used to throw. It wasn’t the Albion players though, I mean can you imagine Michel Kuipers throwing a hammer? It might end up in Preston Park. Or can you imagine Dean Cox throwing a hammer? HE might end up in Preston Park! We only saw one other person, and that was the local PCSO struggling up Tongdean Lane on her John Street issue Mountain Bike, she was heading towards Withdean Road. They’ll do anything to catch a glimpse of Peter Andre around here.

It was much busier on Saturday, of course, and the pitch and Stadium looked great as we applauded the life and achievements of Bobby Robson, and welcomed the unfamiliar Albion team. Six debuts, I don’t know what Debretts would have made of it!

Albion started with Liam Dickinson upfront and virtually a whole new midfield. I reacquainted myself with the father and daughter team of Frank & Zoe, who I have sat with for nearly 10 years and whom I hadn’t seen since April. And yes, I know it is probably my turn to bring the half time snacks, and no, I haven’t.

I noticed after about 5 minutes that a lady near us was, without invitation, giving everyone a running commentary of the match, and not in a good way. And even better than that, she sounded just a little like Janet Street Porter.

This Jacqui Oatley wannabe was quite pre emptive in her description, “go on Coxy, he’s gonna knock it to Virgs now”, as Dean Cox picks out Mark Wright, or “go on Liam, you’ve beaten him, he’s gonna shoot”, as Dickinson layed it off for Alan Navarro. “He shouldn’t have done that should he?” she said to her husband, who really didn’t say a word all afternoon. I suppose he thought it might be rude to interrupt!

The Albion were beginning to get on top. Liam Dickinson can beat one or two defenders, but his shot was a little tame on occasions. Mark Wright can also beat his man and was getting some good crosses in, but sadly to no avail.

Zoe then made her third and most successful reference to how much she’d like an ice cream, so as it was my turn off I went to the world’s most expensive ice cream van - which incidentally is based at our very own Withdean Stadium, how about that?

As I was searching for the cash for three 99’s I heard a muffled roar. Now, a) we have scored and it’s been immediately disallowed, b) we’ve scored but it’s an own goal (Matt Richards maybe) or c) they’ve scored and it’s an own goal, although Hawkins isn’t playing. Sadly it was c), and Andrew Whing’s first ever goal at Withdean. On my way back to my seat laden with cones, I couldn’t help notice a Walsall substitute nipping to the gents behind block V, then a bit later another one went. Well if you gotta go!

Half time came and went, and the Albion came out all guns blazing. Dickinson had a couple of chances, including one forty yard snapshot that was only just wide. Janet Street Porter’s stunt woman introduced some malapropism into her repertoire, then Nicky Forster came on. He looked a little short of match practice and has apparently changed his name to Foster. Glen Murray replaced Dickinson on about 75 minutes. Murray’s appearance was on the proviso it was for 15 minutes, and he didn’t get his socks dirty. I am sure he took a call from ‘Right Move ‘at one point!

In the end, despite a few good late chances, the Albion lost! But the first game of the season is almost like another pre season friendly, and I am sure Mr Bloom’s trigger finger is relaxed.

Frank says he won’t be able to put up with losing, and our new companion, and he is thinking of moving elsewhere for the next game. “Oh, where Frank?” I asked ...”Surrenden Park” was the reply.