Four Weddings

Living TV are certainly reaping the seeds and wearing the robes of Channel 4, with their cunning plagiarism of a certain dinner party competition show, which most of the country are watching, and the rest are applying for.

Their new show Four Weddings, or Come Outshine With Me, has a remarkably similar format, except it features a social occasion even more susceptible to pomp, splendour and disaster. Four brides attend each other’s nuptials and give marks for food, dress, venue and overall presentation. They’ve even roped in a slightly disbelieving and acerbic narrator to mock the proceedings. Instead of a thousand pounds, the bride with the highest score wins a luxury honeymoon, and the satisfaction of knowing that their big day was begrudgingly considered to be the best. Much like Come Dine With Me, it’s all about being the BEST. And that sort of attitude is always worth the air-time.

Last week’s episode was won by Amanda - Cardiff girl, aficionado of the Macarena, can neck a baker’s dozen of Smirnoff Ice without breaking a sweat or missing a step. Up against a ceremony in a cave, a dove-filled, crystal-tipped fairytale and traditional African nuptials.

In painful contrast, Amanda’s fiancé Brian was gargling with (and later on, gurgling with) pre-wedding Stella and had to borrow a pair of shoes. The lady herself wore bright, bright red and had to nip for a fag before the photos could commence. Yet the other brides had such a good time, that they temporarily forgot that they were in direct competition with her and awarded generous scores for everything. So Amanda secured victory and was gleefully sent off to the Caribbean, where no doubt she and Brian organised a conga chain around the island and ate hot dogs in the hot tub. Just to really rub it in for the others, all four contestants were required to meet at the airport, where the winner was revealed, and the losers were then required to wave them off and drag their luggage back to the shuttle bus, wondering what went wrong and more importantly, who said what?

This week, things got a bit caustic between two of the competitors. Krysia made the fatal error of passing judgement on Adam’s extravagant civil partnership within earshot of his guests. News quickly got back to Adam that Krysia didn’t think much of his groom serenading him as an alternative to the traditional first dance. In fact, her exact words were ‘bleurgh’.

Adam saw red, went puce and decided to steamroller every aspect of Krysia’s wedding with criticism in return. He compared the harpist to Les Dawson, the food to Iceland’s finest, and awarded her scores so low that she only just managed to beat Jamie’s rugby club reception and budget Irish stew buffet. And Jaime walked down the aisle with her dog. Although Adam was only slightly more generous when it came to awarding points to Jamie, and they were declaring themselves best friends about fifteen minutes into the programme. Hideous tactics, but they secured his victory, and manners may maketh the man, but they don’t get him a free holiday.

Bitching and muttering aside, weddings also tend to make great television because everybody starts the day with their dignity intact, bonding over the shared experience of watching two people declare their love and celebrate their future. Then, come disco time, they all report to the dance floor and act like chimps. Add a camera to the already heady mix of emotion, champagne and Whigfield’s ‘Saturday Night’ and Come Dine With Me starts to pale ever so slightly in comparison.

Four Weddings, Mondays at 9pm, Living TV